Episode 24: Boone Handles a Crisis

[ThShifties]

Scene: Legendary billionaire T. Boone Pickens is in his skybox after the Republican Convention. Something has happened to upset him greatly. He runs to the door and yells out into the hallway for McCain campaign guru Steve Schmidt.


Pickens: Schmidt! Git your fat ass in here, will ya?

Schmidt: What’s wrong?

Pickens: This here woman’s gone batshit!

Schmidt: panicky Mrs. Palin? Oh my God! Where is she?

Pickens: Crumpled down behind the couch over there.

Schmidt crosses the room and bends to where the Governor is slumped, seemingly delirious.

Pickens: She just started a’babblin’, and I couldn’t stop her.

Schmidt: It’s not babbling. She’s, uh, speaking in tongues.

Pickens: horrified You mean like them snake handlin’ cult people up in the Appalachians?

Schmidt: It’s accepted indigenous American religious practice.

Pickens: In the booby hatch, it is. She was fine. I give her alkyhol to relax her…

Schmidt: Are you out of your mind?

Pickens: Look here, I didn’t see a ‘no booze’ sticker on her chin.

Schmidt: Boone, people like her can’t handle intoxicants.

Pickens: suspicious Whatcha mean, people like her?

Schmidt: Fragile. Sensitive.

Pickens: You mean she’s a loon, dontcha? Jesus H Christo, her boss’ is half-corpse, and she’s standin’ behind him?

Schmidt: She has a great deal of executive experience.

Pickens : Led her Basket Weaving class, I imagine.

Schmidt: Here, she’s starting to come around. Help me get her up on her feet.

Pickens: I’ll call Lloyd. I don’t like touchin’ people like her.

Lloyd arrives and helps Palin to her feet. Schmidt pulls a black case from his jacket pocket, removes a syringe, and gives her an injection. Lloyd leaves.

Pickens: Damn, she’s a drug addict too!

Schmidt: She is not! These are prescribed medications!

Pickens: I bet that’s what Elvis said. Look, I can’t give you boys any money. You might as well have got Jim and Tammy Faye on your ticket.

Schmidt : Tammy Faye’s dead. And Jim is still paying the IRS. We checked.

She was doing so well. What exactly did you tell her?

Pickens: shrugs Nothin’ new. How the Bible was a corkin’ good story, in a couple places at least, long as you didn’t take it all that serious.

Schmidt: shocked You told Sarah Palin that the Bible was not to be taken literally as the Word of God?

Pickens: Sure did. What, she never took 7th Grade science?

Schmidt: No wonder she collapsed.

Pickens: Is that why she covered her ears and started makin’ them weird noises? Look, Steve, what was old John thinkin’ when picked her for vice president?

Schmidt : sighs That he was way behind and not going to catch up. That he needed a miracle.

Pickens : That’s the road to hell, all right.

[izquierdista]

1. Missing dialog

Palin: Waga laga ding ding horken snurfalup!

Palin: Shamu fella bilong wawa inna.

[truth2power]

2. "I bet that's what Elvis said."..

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

edit> oops! This should go under the OP.