Episode 10: Scenes From the Campaign Trail

[ThShifties]

Scene 1: Senator McCain and his advisors are reviewing TV spots for his campaign.

Ad Exec: Now this is designed as a subtle reference to your heroism.

Music swells; it’s a familiar theme from childhood.

Sound track: “Here he comes to save the day!!!”

McCain: Do I get to wear a costume?

Ad Exec: It’s animated.

McCain: Well, every superhero needs a name. What’s mine?

Ad Exec: We’ve been wracking our brains.


Scene 2: Carly Fiorina, the McCain economic advisor, is on TV explaining the candidate’s plan.

Bob Schieffer: I’ve noticed the Senator attributes any improvement in the economy, however slight, to tax cuts. And when the economy goes badly, he blames it on something else, and insists more tax cuts are the remedy. Care to comment?

Carly Fiorina: Bob, Senator McCain cuts taxes. Always has, always will. His opponent is a tax and spend liberal who wants to punish the little guy.

Schieffer: Suppose the economy gets worse. Then what?

Fiorina: Bob, we at the McCain campaign don’t think like that. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think the economy will get worse, it will. If you believe it will get better, it does.

Schieffer: Sort of a faith-based approach, then.

Fiorina: Absolutely. And it will work. We just know it.


Scene 3: McCain and his advisors debate names for his alter ego, a cartoon superhero.

McCain: What about Mighty John?

Ad Exec: The focus group thought that sounded like a deluxe port-a-potty.

McCain: This is hard! Mighty Mac?

Ad Exec: frowns Too sandwich-y.

McCain: I better call Cindy. Hits speed dial


Scene 4: More of the Carly Fiorina interview.

Bob Schieffer: There have been questions about your abilities as an economic adviser, given your highly public firing by Hewlett-Packard in 2005. Others have pointed out that HP stock jumped 7% on announcement of your departure. And in the year after, HP quickly took back the lead from Dell and IBM. How would you respond?

Fiorina: Bob, HP’s success was entirely due to my leadership. The fact that it all occurred after my departure is irrelevant.

Schieffer: How do you know that?

Fiorina: I have faith, Bob.

Schieffer: And is this the sort of leadership you would bring if you were, let’s say, Secretary of the Treasury?

Fiorina: Count on it, Bob.


Scene 5: Back with Senator McCain and his advisors.

McCain: Is there, like, a supervillain? I always liked Skeletor.

Ad Exec: There is. A big cat. A really nasty one. Black.

McCain: What’s its name?

Ad Exec: Ama-Bo.

McCain: Sounds familiar.

Ad Exec: Karl Rove says it’s fine.

McCain: Okay then.