The Good, The Bad and Bumping Uglys -- Some Thoughts on Masturbation and The Good Book: Part I

[marmar]

from HuffPost:




Scott Cheshire
The Good, The Bad and Bumping Uglys -- Some Thoughts on Masturbation and The Good Book: Part I
Posted March 6, 2008 | 07:17 PM (EST)


One night, when I was ten years old, my father abruptly announced that we would begin a weekly Bible study, just the two of us. "Every Tuesday night," he said -- the study lasted for three weeks. The first two Tuesdays were simply a setup, warming up for Tuesday number three -- the talk. Only this wasn't your standard "where babies come from" spiel. No, this was the whole ugly shebang.

We sat down on our sweating and plastic covered couch, my mother in the kitchen slowly doing dishes, and we talked about God's view of sex. We read the Bible together, and we read from a suggestively pink hardcover Christian publication written specifically for young Christians. A kind of hot pink handbook for kids called Your Youth -- Getting the Best Out of It! I can still see my father, sitting awkwardly in his tight brown slacks hugging his middle-aged scrotum way too closely, threads wearing thin (and why does he sit with his legs spread so wide, even now? my wife has actually asked me this), a clown-sized paisley tie hanging heavy from his white and blushing, freshly shaved neck.

My father opened up the book to a chapter entitled "Masturbation and Homosexuality," and we began an extraordinarily stilted conversation about the dangers and sinful nature of "self-abuse" and of touching other boys.

There are many, many things wrong with this picture. Even as a ten-year old I was baffled -- does God have sex? If not, then what on earth does He know about it? And as far as "self-abuse" is concerned, let's just say the name does not quite fit the game. Not to mention, why on earth is this man talking to me about touching other boys? Has he not seen how nervous, how restless I get when The Facts of Life comes on? Does he know something I don't? And of course there is the conspicuous coupling of the two topics: masturbation and homosexuality, as if one is somehow dependent on the other, that both are equally "sinful" simply because they're not boy/girl. Very silly.

I would actually be willing to bet that for most Christians males masturbation is considered a more sinful act (though they would not likely admit this) than female masturbation because it's somehow "gayer" (I could go on for pages writing on the colossal misreadings, misapplications and misappropriations of Biblical text regarding homosexuality... but let's save that for another day). .....(more)

The complete piece is at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-cheshire/the-good-the-bad-and-bum_b_90329.html

[Sarah Ibarruri]

1. I don't think children should be given "the whole shebang" in one sitting....

and I DEFINITELY think that hearing it from the parents, is not unlike letting the children watch as ma and pa get it on. Quite disgusting for the child.

I think a medical professional would be best suited for this.

[Danieljay]

2. Just what 'medical professional' would you consider qualified to talk to YOUR kid about sex?

Sorry, but as messed up as the forementioned 'talk' was, I'm not sure I want to put my kids sex education in the hands of a so called medical professional.

Parents need to learn to talk to their kids about these things and not hand them off to a stranger, no matter what the degree.

I'm thinking perhaps your post was tongue in cheek? God I hope so.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

4. How does doctor sound to you? Or a nurse? Why should it be tongue in cheek?

Do you think it's easy to sit there while your mom and dad sits talking about what they she/he does in bed? It's like being forced to watch them in bed.

[Danieljay]

11. Why would speaking about sex have to involve what YOU do in bed?

Jeebus, get real. Does a doctor or a nurse have to talk about what THEY do in bed to discuss sex education with YOUR kid? Don't think so. You are making no sense.

I guess I'm lucky because a Doctor WILL be talking to our kid about sex, being as though my wife is one and I'll be in on the conversation. And believe me, you can talk to a kid about sex without talking about what YOU do in bed.

Being forced to watch them in bed? Bizarro.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

15. Okay, out of bed then if you don't like the bed. It's what people do together nt

[SharonAnn]

19. My father was a doctor and my mother was a nurse. I got a pamphlet.

That's it.

One time there was a trial going on in our town where someone was accused of committing sodomy. I asked what it was. My mother said I had a dirty mind if I wanted to know. I looked it up in the dictionary. It said "unnatural sexual act". So I went back to my mother, told her the definition according to the dictionary, and asked her what were "natural" sexual acts. She was some kind of angry with me about that.

[PDJane]

3. I think the parents should be given the task,

But only if they can manage to be a little less stilted and a bit more natural about the whole subject.

I also don't see that there's anything wrong with auto-eroticism (why would God give you the equipment and tell you not to play with it?) or homosexuality.

*shrug* My mother was fond of books.......my son asked questions, I answered them in ways that he could understand, and we talked. It may depend on the relationship between parent and child, too.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

5. I think parents are the least adequate to explain such things to kids.

This should be explained by med professionals. Spare the kid having to listen to crap like that from his parents. It's bad enough that the kid might already be having sexual feelings without having to have them pointed out by his own mom and dad. I think it should be taught clinically.

[PDJane]

7. Oh.

that's an interesting viewpoint, and assumes that the kid and the parent can't talk because of their relationship.

It ain't necessarily so.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

8. I realize my opinion is not what's been recommended

But I really don't think kids are ready to hear from their parents how sex is done, what body parts look like, and know their parents are involved in this sort of activity. It's far too embarrassing. I think kids need a little space with that sort of knowledge. It's easier to hear from a medical professional, far from the glaring faces of the parents.

[Danieljay]

12. lol. Glaring faces of the parents. You are assuming that all parents haven't a clue how to talk

to their kids about sex.

Do some parents lack the skills? Probably. That being said, working in the medical community I can guarandamntee you that you DON'T want a lot of these doctors talking to your kids about sex. These doctors and nurses are often the parents that you need to be concerned about talking to their OWN kids, not to mention the influence of their own religious beliefs and their own effed up attitudes about sex.

Yikes.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

14. I don't care how the parents talk. It's the embarrassment the kids are put through

having to hear about sex from their parents.

[Danieljay]

16. You're right, its MUCH better hearing it from a total stranger....

God knows the horror of understanding your own conception.

[Sarah Ibarruri]

17. Who wants to discuss with a parent something the parent is engaging in? nt

[BlueJazz]

6. I tried Masterbation but had to Stop....

Went Blind and developed hair on my hands.

[awoke_in_2003]

13. So did I

then I got Lasic surgery and discovered the greatness of Neet :)

[hyphenate]

9. I remember back when I was about 8 or so

and had some "self discovery" and there was no one to discuss it with. As a female, I think it's tougher, anyhow, as back in the 60s, we didn't have such liberation that we could discuss masturbation in ourselves. The usual crap about boys doing it was simply noted to be a pile of shit in the campaign against it, but for girls, 60s was all about indiscriminate sex,and that was mostly it.

It wasn't until I was about 20 that my mom and I had a quiet talk about it. At that point, I just felt better that she was aware of the subject, not scared by it.

[Sentath]

10. Yours was worse than mine, but

I kinda remember Dad trying to have 'the talk' with me. I used a couple technical terms and proper names for things and he went away ( :

[Igel]

18. Did he wait until you were 19 and back from your

freshman year at college?

Mine did.

My father comes up to me when I'm sitting on the floor listening to the radio and reading something.

Dad: "So, um, do you have any questions?"
Me: "Um, yeah, what are we talking about?"
Dad: "Sex."
Me: "Is this 'the talk'?"
Dad: "Yeah, I guess."
Me: "No, dad, I pretty much figured it out years ago.
Dad: "Um ... good. I guess I waited a bit too long."

I returned to my book, not knowing whether to be embarrassed or laugh, so I settled on incredulous. To my great relief, he went away to find something else to do.

[Sentath]

20. No, thats one reason the memory is so fuzzy

I was 11 or 12 I think..