Davis Sweet: A New, New Way Forward in Iraq

[unhappycamper]

A New, New Way Forward in Iraq

Now that the decider has decided that a bigger, bloodier nut cluster is better than no nut cluster at all, it's time everybody in America gets behind a victory plan against whoever we're fighting in Iraq. Forget all this namby-pamby wrangling over whether we should add twenty thousand, thirty thousand, or fifty thousand new shrapnel magnets or whether they get to be killed for another three months or three years or right up to the Rapture.

Let's get seriously serious.

We're all going to fight in Iraq. You, me, Arianna, Cher, Newt, the guy who sells pens at the airport, Jenna and Barbara, Mary-Kate and Ashley, Siegfried and Roy, Top Gun and Beardie and baby Endless-therapi; every one of us. Don't worry about locking the door, stopping the mail, or canceling the papers -- we're taking the burglars too.

So get some good walking shoes, pick out two or three of your favorite guns, cram a bag full of SPF a billion, and line up at the airport. You and three hundred million of your closest friends are leavin' on a jet plane, probably next Tuesday so we get one last war-on-Christmas dinner under our belts. Boxing Day 2006, we are horribly bloodying the cradle of civilization like it's never been horribly bloodied before, fighting them over there so we don't... you know the drill.

We can achieve victory only through total commitment, absolute resolve, unshakable will, and other meaningless-but-tough-sounding words. Because "victory" is another meaningless-but-tough-sounding word. It would be a lot more daunting (and we'd need more than just our piddling 300 million) if we added any meaningful X factors to the "victory" party. Victory over X group of baddies, for example. Victory that puts X undemocratically elected stooge at the top of the pile. Victory that makes the country sustainable by X measures, that guarantees X rights, or that keeps X number of people from becoming ex-people.


entire article