President Bush pens a poem

[Thor_MN]

I am so glad that I haven't eaten yet today... More so that I didn't have anything to drink last night

http://www.cnn.com/2003/ALLPOLITICS/10/03/bush.poem.ap/index.html

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Laura Bush says her husband is a poet even if, uh, Americans don't know it.
...
She revealed that President Bush had penned a poem for her when she got back from a five-day solo trip to Europe, where she attended a book festival in Moscow and visited France -- getting two kisses on the hand from French President Jacques Chirac.

"President Bush is a great leader and a husband, but I bet you didn't know he is also quite the poet," she said. "Upon returning home last night from my long trip I found a lovely poem waiting there for me."


Roses are red
Violets are blue
Oh my, lump in the bed
How I've missed you.
Roses are redder
Bluer am I
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

[saigon68]

1. AAH a Poet and Didn't Know IT

He's more of a WAR CRIMINAL than a POET

[henslee]

44. I hear there are wonderful creative writing programs in the pokey.

eom

[Brucey]

2. Okay, who actually wrote this?

Grade: D (Although, it depends on what grade you're in. If a third grader wrote it, then the grade would be B).

[psychopomp]

21. Sounds like Rudy Ray Moore

a.k.a. Dolomite

[eek]

24. Bwaffftttt! (coffee spit-take) Dolomite!

"Dolomite's my name, fu#kin up motherfu#kers is my game."

[thebigidea]

56. ahem - DOLEMITE

Dolemite is my name,
and rappin’ and tappin’ is my game;
I’m the one that whipped Monday,
killed Tuesday and put Wednesday in the hospital,
called up Thursday to tell Friday
not to bury Saturday on Sunday!
Stuck my finger in the ground,
turned the whole wo-o-rld around!

[psychopomp]

62. I knew somebody would call me on that

Okay, so Rudy could rhyme circles around our idiot "president." Comparing the two was actually a slight ond Mr. Moore, and *that's* saying something!

[loudsue]

3. Yale produces another genius

"Roses are red"????.......wow. Yale's reputation is sinking fast. A six-year-old from Harlem could have done a much better job.

:kick:

[Merlin]

43. ROFL!

Best comment yet!

:bounce:

[KharmaTrain]

4. If This Is Legit...

Let me be the first and certainly not the last to

:puke:

Thank-you!

on edit: I gagged on something :argh:

[Flubadubya]

5. Gag me with the shoe...

says Barney! Ack!

Does this prove that criminals can have a sense of humor? That's all I get out of it.

[MaineDem]

6. THis is offensive on so many levels (nt)

.

[henslee]

47. The fact that W would use the term "carrier"...

in this piece of PR astonishes me. Are they so brazen or just oblivious. I find time is proving W's "let's play pilot/ carrier" episode to be a liability, almost a rallying point by vets and others. It was even snidely echoed by Kerry in a speech yesterday.

[TahitiNut]

49. Indeed. "lump in the bed"??? (blechh!)

:puke:

[0007]

7. Mean while is Jenna & Barbara

dying from pure embarrassment? Or are they laughing at how insincere and phoney mommy & daddy can be for the sake of vanity.

[AntiCoup2K4]

36. They're probably getting shitfaced (as usual) to dull the pain...

...of having a moron and a stepford wife for parents.

[Misinformed01]

8. Roses are red, violets are blue

When I read crap like this,
I could puke.

That said, the "lump" didn't drop the damned dog. Amazing, he was so toasted, he can't even remember doing it himself---the mind of an alcoholic: "it's always someone else's fault."

Like Mrs. Malinowski publishing her husband's journal posthumously; this begs the question: Was Laura so grossed out by this banal prose that she gave it to a reporter to embarrass him?

[rocktivity]

10. Freep states are red, Dem states are blue

Limbaugh is toast
ARNOLD IS, TOO!


rocknation

[ByeDick]

9. Another Bush Poem (written on his 44th birthday)

I was looking at my foot
The moon was heard in the background
I found a piece of an old candy cane come around

George W. Bush

[2cents]

16. LOL

Sounds like he was on psychedelics. Jim Ignatowski comes to mind.

[Minstrel Boy]

11. He can't even accept responsibility for

dropping the damn dog. Unbelievable.

And that "lump in the bed" is his term of "endearment" for his wife only suggests there might be something to those Victor Ashe rumours after all.

[BeatleBoot]

12. He's a poet and he don't even know it

But his feet do because they're longfellows

[jenk]

13. dear pickles

Roses are red
tulips are blue
Clintons penis leaked it
and it's coming for you

[Rose Siding]

14. It was an "adventure" to him?

Tiny little man.

Maybe Rove has calculated an advantage in once again lowering expectations.

[alphafemale]

15. You mean...this is for real?

:wow:

[SammyWinstonJack]

52. Was thinking the same thing.

This isn't real is it? Where did that "I with stupid" emoticon go? Now would be a great time to use it. Oh well, this will do nicely, :dunce: If real, all I can say is :puke:

[TrueStory]

17. Nero was an artist too,

his greatest performance was to put Rome in fire and meanwhile he recited his own poems.

Bush's greatest performance was on 9/11: while the so called "terrorists" blow up the WTC and Pentagon he kept reading pet stories. Now we learned that he can write as well.

[KharmaTrain]

18. Rove Machine Gears Up

There's a reason to release this piece of tripe and that is:

1.) It's going to be made into a Country song that will be played hourly on every Clear Channel station. (artist suggestions welcome)

2.) Made into a Made-For-TV Movie for Faux ...narrated by Brit Hume with Barney played by Ann Coulter

3.) Attached to a diamond and something about getting carried away with Condi

4.) Secret Code to BFEE and PNAC operatives to set phasers to stun

5.) Part of a new K-Tel Xmas Collection of Dubya's Greatest hits including his reading the Itsy Bitsy Spider and Instructions For Your X-Box

6.) A rare display of Compassionate Conservatism

7.) This one he almost wrote all by himself

8.) Hopes this enhances his chances for the next Survivor

9.) Is mad this leaked out...before he had a chance to color it

10.) Another lame attempt at distracting attention away from his regime...and the networks will eat it up.

[Tuttle]

19. "Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier."

Will she have a lump in her flight suit/action figure?

Tut-tut

[muriel_volestrangler]

20. William Topaz McGonagall lives!

Since I read the post before following the link, I had to assume the poem was one that Thor_MN made up as a spoof of how bad we'd imagine Bush's poetry to be. I never imagined that that was the real thing - how could he possibly have let her read out something so toe-curlingly awful - and how could she possibly think she could read it out without showing up how dumb he is?

The previous holder of the title of 'worst poet in he English language' was William McGonagall, whose late Victorian ramblings still amaze anyone. But Bush really is pushing him for the lead.

http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/

[thebigidea]

58. ooo, one of my favorites

Spike Milligan and Peter Sellers did an amusing movie about him in the early 70s... Spike wrote a series of novels about him as well.

Good stuff. Incredible Ed Woodian character.

[Wickerman]

22. Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy

GW Bus* has no class whatsoever. It was a sign of respect, it was how the French treat a lady - with respect, not by clling them a lump in the bed or blaming them for your own clumsy acoholic blunders that could've seriously injured his damn dog.

Nope, Bus* is so insecure and petty that he gets jealous when a head of fuckin' state treats his wife with a measure of respect as defined by that culture. Asshole.

[karlschneider]

23. BS. If * had written it, woulda been more like:

Roses are blue
violets are pink
immediately after
my 13th drink

Bushma shave

[peekaloo]

25. communique from Baghdad

Bloodstains are red
Your daddy's a wimp
You must invade countries
Since your dick is so limp.

[soup]

40. perfection. n/t

[Stephanie]

26. There is NO WAY he wrote this himself

He could not write a grocery list. Bad as this is, it nonetheless is way beyond his skills. This has to be by Karen Hughes, Mary Matalin, or someone similar. He is not capable of thinking about someone else long enough to pen this crap. The barrier/carrier verse is the giveaway. It's subtle self-deprecation is not in his nature.

[karlschneider]

54. A grocery list? If Bunnypants tried to write one it would be

steak
peenut butter
jelly
bred
taters
chicken wings (right side only)
etc.

[kerouac]

27. pathetic..absolutely pathetic.

What a pathetic poem.. more representative of a grade-school child than an adult -- let alone a "president." I'm amazed not only at the juvenile level with which it is written, but I am equally amazed that it was released for public consumption.

How about this one...

Roses are red,
violets are blue
these fascists stole Florida,
now they want California, too.

-K

[Rex]

28. And how does Microsoft Word rate it?

Passive sentences - 0%
Flesch reading ease - 87.2
Flesch-Kincaid grade level - 4.8

Even though the composition level is that of a fifth grader, it STILL couldn't have been our boy Bush - all the words are spelled correctly.

[gauguin57]

29. ewwww

Roses are red
The "poet" is George.
But each word he speaks
Puts the rise in my gorge.

[delete_bush]

30. This is god-awful tripe

Who would even start a poem with "Roses are red"? How original.

Lumpy must have told her boy king about Ronnie's letters to Nancy, this is the result of his effort. The depth of his stupidity is astounding.

[Jack Rabbit]

31. Actually . . .

. . . it's better than I expect from him.

Which isn't much.

[DemonFighterLives]

32. The first half of that was on CNN

The hosts were even rolling their eyes and were virtually speechless.
And this is the cowboy that is leading us to war. Bring em on! That darn Chirac kissing on my ole lumpy.

[LearnedHand]

33. Limerick (sort of)

There once was a man named George Bush
Who thought he could be just like Rush.
But he put in his ear
The pills and the beer.
And now he thinks he's the president of the United States.

(On edit: Top THAT for a 600th post!)

[truthisfreedom]

34. more blame-shifting... he now blames LAURA for DROPPING BARNEY when he

did it himself... look at the sick spinning going on...

[Emperor_Norton_II]

35. Telegram:

(sent via Western Union, when you need to send the important messages...)

DEAR GEORGE: READ YOUR LATEST LITERARY WORK STOP DON'T GIVE UP THE DAY JOB STOP BILL FORTHCOMING FOR THE TIME I WASTED ON THIS STOP PAYMENT DUE BY END OF WEEK OR THERE WILL BE SERIOUS I REPEAT SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES STOP --JOSHUA NORTON

[Jack Rabbit]

37. Bush doggerel thread in the Meeting Room

Please click here.

All creative DUers are invited to participate.

[Emboldened Chimp]

38. Yeats got nothin' on Ol' Dubya!

Good God, what an AWFUL poem. I wrote stuff like that when I was six. LOL!

[MrBenchley]

39. WHO dropped the dog? Huh? Who? Who? Who?

Laura dropped the dog? Sums up the boy-pResident in a nutshell...he can't even take responsibility for a minor public fuck-up.

[haymaker]

41. Oh cooome On! Are they desperate or what?

Is this even real? It can't be. They publicize a roses are red poem?

I have seen it all.

[Lisa]

42. stick to haiku, George -- only so much damage you can do in 3 lines!

I really, really hope this is a hoax!

[polmaven]

46. Haiku?

Our little Georgie don't even like Haiku...it don't tast good...Georgie only likes good old Texas food, not some ferin stuff!

[Lisa]

50. alas, I'm not kidding -- from his Yale speech, 2001 ...

"I loved history, and pursued a diversified course of study. I like to think of it as the academic road less traveled. For example, I took a class that
studied Japanese Haiku. Haiku, for the uninitiated, is a 15th century form of poetry, each poem having 17 syllables. Haiku is fully understood only
by the Zen masters. As I recall, one of my academic advisers was worried about my selection of such a specialized course. He said I should
focus on English. I still hear that quite often. But my critics don't realize I don't make verbal gaffes. I'm speaking in the perfect forms and rhythms of
ancient Haiku. "


http://www.dubyaspeak.com/himself.shtml

[karlschneider]

55. * Haiku.....

Commander in chief
I care not what you may think
And that's a fact Jack

[realFedUp]

45. A Heritage Yale education

That and a lot of money will get you a pResidency...

[xxqqqzme]

48. Is there a credible person

actually claiming this truly is by squatter's hand? He is more....oh, so much more.....pathetic than I imagined.

[idadem]

51. A powerful, eloquent masterpiece!

An appreciation of poetry demands a drunken soul.

My first interpretation realizes that his penis is the intended
recipient of this poem:

Roses are red (Vaginas, Senor Winces)
Violets are blue (Blue balls)
Oh my, lump in the bed (Lil' Dick)
How I've missed you. (Can't even eat pretzels w/o splash headlines)
Roses are redder (Interns everywhere!)
Bluer am I (at the breaking point)
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy. (suck my dick, Chirac!)
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too (I won't go there)
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe (nor here)
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier (In time, I will see u again)
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier. (Ignore other women, ride tax-paid rollercoasters)

---

The second interpretation outlines a jealous warning from husband to wife:

Roses are red (I, the Rose Garden, am PISSED!)
Violets are blue (Violet=his term of endearment towards her, blue=the color of a corpse)
Oh my, lump in the bed (...could happen whilst you sleep?)
How I've missed you. (you must come back home sometime)
Roses are redder (I'm getting even more pissed thinking about this)
Bluer am I (ice runs through my veins, chilling thoughts)
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy. (la probleme)
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too (dogs=secret service, cat=personal escort)
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe (former love interest expired, remember???)
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier (had to stretch my thumb, but you're still under it)
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier. (lots of possibilities here other than the obvious 'Lewinsky' symbolism. I can/have destroy/attack anyone anywhere, you cannot outwit me, etc. etc)

N'est-ce pas?

[Malva Zebrina]

53. Pickles thought she had a "long trip"?

she is really quite out of it. This fat assed, sloppy, apparently uncaring , dressed woman thought she had a "long trip" LOL--what else does she think? Can she "think" at all? Anything?

[Cooley Hurd]

57. Man... he even sucks at poetry!

He's not good at anything!

[Sapphocrat]

59. My tribute...

(which I give myself permission to quote in full):

I imagine why Laura
Is a "lump in the bed";
To sleep with you, sir,
One would have to play dead.

As for Mr. Chirac
Kissing Pickles' hand so,
I'm sure he'd much rather
Kiss raw escargot.

Regarding poor Barney
And his fall, all could see
'Twasn't Pickles who dropped him;
It was you, Mister B.

Your mention of landing
On the Lincoln just galls;
To pretend you belonged there,
Well, that really takes balls.

Although you take pains
To write, in no haste,
Your Yale diploma
Has gone to sheer waste.

No original thought
Ever enters your head.
Which is why you relied on
The ol' "roses are red."

But I'll give you some credit:
You're not very bright;
You barely speak English;
I'm surprised you can write.

So I'll finish this piece,
And I see there's a need
For a simple, short stanza
Even you, George, can read:

Texas is red;
California is blue.
Schwarzenegger looks bad
But at least he's not you.

[thebigidea]

60. ha! pretty good

And I bet you didn't have Karen Hughes write it for you...

[Cheswick2.0]

61. Great, I particularly love the last stanza

that's a hoot.

Here is my contribution: From Laura to *

Roses are Red
Daisies are yellow
I hate you so much
I have to get "mellow"

[SayitAintSo]

63. Bravo Bravo ......

Excellent lyrical retort !!!! :bounce: