Reply #207: Lib dating site(s)

[Jim Lane]

Long ago I answered a solicitation and signed up with 2ofakind.com -- not a lib site per se but one that pitched itself as matching progressives with each other. (It can also, I think, match right-wingers, so maybe you can give the link to your guy as a going-away present.)

The site had strengths and weaknesses. IIRC, it's free to join and free to create a profile, but you can't browse other members the way you can on match.com or similar sites. Instead, you answer detailed questions about yourself and about the person you're looking for, AND you can assign your own weights to the different criteria. You might give a high weight to political opinions and a low weight to religion or some such, while another member might reverse it. Then the site's computer finds likely matches and sends them to you. If any seem worth pursuing, you have to pay to contact them.

It sounds good in some ways, but I think their weighting system isn't perfect. I gave a high weight to geographic proximity (I don't have a car), but some of my suggested matches were hundreds of miles away.

On the bright side, I think every one of my suggested matches was politically progressive, as I'd specified. Of course, I was then living in Manhattan, so it wasn't THAT hard. :)

Another alternative is to use one of the standard sites that allow you to specify search criteria. I think that match.com will let you craft a search that will return only males in your area in your preferred age range and who picked "liberal" or "very liberal" as their political stance. (You can test this. Open a free match.com membership, don't create a profile, and try a search. If you find some decent possibilities, you can pay for a membership and thus gain the ability to contact them.)

As to your underlying choice: It's an individual thing whether political views are a deal-breaker. I discussed this with a friend of mine who said she'd never date a Republican but could put up with a smoker. For me, if a woman smokes that's it, end of story, but I'd be willing to at least try it out with a Republican. You have the right to set your own criteria however you want.

Some mixed-view couples get along simply by agreeing not to discuss politics. It sounds like that isn't an option for you, though. I agree with the posters who've said you should cut your losses and get out. I also agree, though, with those who pointed out that the guy isn't really at fault here, so you should dump him gently and without screaming. It's a perfect situation for the old "It's not you, it's me." You tell him that, unlike him, you don't have the broadmindedness to be happy with someone of differing political views.