Reply #36: I was five.

[kag]

And I blocked it out of my memory until I got to be about thirty, then the memories started coming back. He was my best friend's older brother, a teenager at the time, and he used to babysit me and my brothers. It didn't happen often (at least I don't think it did), but I began remembering how he would go with me to the bathroom, and when he would "pull up my pants" I remember it hurting, and then the memories started coming back.

I am sure it had an effect on my relationships with men. I played the victim for years. I think what saved me was my brothers, and their examples of what "real men" behave like, and how they behave with regard to their wives and daughters. (My father wasn't abusive, just absent and clueless. Mom passed away when I was sixteen.)

I was lucky enough to meet and marry a man with integrity, kindness, intelligence, and a great sense of humor, and I credit my brothers with giving me the sense and courage I needed to say "yes" to him when he proposed.

I still remember the pain I felt when I was five, but I know now that not all men are abusive like my babysitter or negligent like my father. Some are good, smart, funny, generous people. And I think most of them hang out here on DU.

;)