Reply #130: Looking doesn't reduce a woman to a thing and is not

[socialist_n_TN]

a power trip. Most of the time it's an admiration thing. It's a "This person is someone I might like to get to know better" thing. But it IS only ONE aspect for most people when considering a relationship. For me, I'm a friendly guy. If I'm thrown together with someone, male or female, attractive or unattractive to me sexually, I'll do my best to get to know them better. Because I enjoy getting to know people.

In pair bonding, I won't dicount the fact that looks are an IMPORTANT aspect and maybe even the MOST important aspect (at least at first) for BOTH genders, but for most people, I don't think that it's the ONLY thing. And if you want to get rid of attractiveness (which IS individualized and involves looking by definition) as AN aspect, you're going to have to get rid of sex and pair bonding in general. Good luck with that.

It's actually pretty simple. Even in pair bonding and for BOTH genders, don't make attractiveness the ONLY criterion for pursuing a relationship. Having been in long term relationships a few times, I know for a fact that attractiveness is only one aspect of making a relationship work and, actually, winds up being one of the LEAST important aspects of a working relationship. But it DOES start with looking most of the time.