Tomorrow morning I have to tell my student his best friend killed himself

[Snoutport]

I probably should turn off my computer and take my dog for a walk... but I keep crying and just want to hide.

A teacher I work with just killed himself. A sunny, funny wonderful guy who went far and beyond the requirements of his job. During the summer and evenings he worked a second job giving respite care to parents with kids with disabilities. He had several families where he just stepped in and helped without being paid because he knew they were in dire straights. This teacher met my student Bobby (fake name, of course) when he 6 or so years old. Bobby's mom was a single mom struggling to work and provide for a son with severe needs and her other son. They shared a studio apartment and slept on the same futon because it was all they had.

My friend the teacher became their lifesaver. He would help out and watch the kids while the mom took night classes. He came to meetings at school for Bobby and acted as his advocate. If this teacher felt like going to the park or to a movie he'd go ahead and grab Bobby and take him too. I can only imagine how many meals, presents, movies, carnival rides that this teacher paid out of his pocket.

I am calling him a teacher because I consider him to be one. He was actually an assistant. The lowest job on the educational ladder and the first one that takes hits during financial cuts. He had to work extra jobs just to make ends meet. And last night he killed himself.

I don't know why but I want to share with you one thing that had to have been making his life rougher. My state is also struggling with money issues and there is a bill in our capitol that would cut the budget of my school district by 25% this year and 50% next year. We are a county district that only has at-risk youth and the most severe of developmental disabilities. We have the city's toughest, roughest, sickest and most dangerous kids. We have the job that makes ALL other teachers shake their heads and say, "you must be crazy to do that job". We are incredibly dedicated to our students. Our teachers are teaching in the hospitals and jails--it is dangerous work sometimes. I've had the shit beat out of me on more than one occasion.

And the legislature has been treating us, and many other teachers, like we are garbage. Three anti-ed bills at the capitol have already gone down this year. One would have shut down the whole county systems statewide and thrown thousands and thousands of special ed teachers and EA's out of jobs. Not only that but no arrangements were made for the students. They would just be crammed back into the overfull classrooms in the city schools.

For the past six months we've had nothing but bad news as one bill followed another. We are tense, scared, and worst of all, terrified for our students who have autism, behavior disorders and incredibly fragile students. I have two students this year who could just be dead in a matter of moments. One has had blood sugar drops in 1/2 an hour of 200 points, another chokes. There is no moment for relaxation in these kinds of jobs.

I don't know what was going in this teacher's personal life and no one will ever know the full reason of why he killed himself. But I can tell you this much: this constant attack on teachers is taking its toll. We are exhausted from the fight. We are having to take up the slack from the cuts to social services and education. We are seeing other districts pink slipping all the teachers, we are reading about the attacks on education. And every day we might get a pink slip.

And tomorrow I have to tell Bobby that his best friend is dead. He was moved out into foster care in August so he lost his family...but this teacher stayed with him and was the light of his life. I just don't know how I am going to do it.

Sorry to vent on you all... it just hasn't been a good week. You know why if you saw my post about seeing a kid get slapped yesterday.

Do me a favor though, write a letter to your legislature to support teachers. We really need some help right now.