Childhood Ambitions of the Rich & Infamous

[NanceGreggs]

(by NanceGreggs AND JeffR - a coalition of the reluctant but willing)

“When I grow up, I hope to be a hypocritical bastard, who lectures others on the importance of good Christian family values in between brothel visits where I can indulge my fetish for wearing diapers.” David Vitter, 8

“When I am an adult, I plan on bein’ an irresponsible idiot who quits anything and everything that doesn’t put money in my pocket – but all for the good of the Alaskan people, you betcha!” Sarah Palin, 7

“God willin’, my adult life will be spent spreading the word of the Lord and living large off contributions from people dumb enough to believe devastating natural disasters are the result of gay pride parades.” Pat Robertson, 10

“When I reach maturity, I want to be as immature as possible – and have a poorly sponsored TV show where, armed with nothing more than a blackboard, I can prove how lucrative acting like an immature buffoon can be.” Glenn Beck, 13

“As a grown-up, I will continue to behave as I do now – including playing dress-up as a soldier, an Indian chief, a firefighter, a rancher, an air force guy, and a president.” George W. Bush, 9

“If I don’t lose my wide-eyed, caught-in-the-headlights good looks as a nonsense-spouting idiot by the time I am an adult, I intend to be a wide-eyed, caught-in-the-headlights, nonsense-spouting politician.” Michele Bachman, 5

“In the hope that all goes as planned, I will become a ‘journalist’ on a once-respected news network, and will go on to be the butt of every joke about how ‘journalism’ has gone down the toilet.” Wolf Blitzer, 11

“After a brilliant career as a military man, I will hopefully live to see my credibility torn to shreds after a seemingly small faux pas presentation at the UN.” Colin Powell, 15

“With any luck, I will get to shoot a friend in the face, make millions from my shareholdings in a disreputable war-profiteering corporation, and live in an ‘undisclosed location’ while being president vice-president of the United States.” Dick Cheney, 6

“My adult ambitions? Well, they could last a few weeks – six months at the most. But I’ll get to direct torture – AND get off on it. Ya know, when you’re a grown-up, you’ve gotta deal with the torture directives your president allows, and not the ones you wish you had.” Donald Rumsfeld, 12

“I hope to marry well – or, in the alternative, marry an internationally-despised jerk, so I can cash-in by writing a book about it.” Laura Bush, 12

“My adult-life goal is to be a hate-spewing harridan who will ‘guest’ regularly on TV talk shows, or who will be featured in the Guinness Book of World Records as the skinniest, most scarecrow-looking hatemonger on the planet – whichever comes first!” Ann Coulter, 14

"When I grow up, I'm going to become an American citizen, a dentist, a lawyer, a real-estate agent, a birther, and a laughingstock." Orly Taitz, 7

"As an adult, I'm going to be the same know-nothing brat I am now – but with a dazzling tan." John Boehner, 9

"After a career in film, I hope to become a loud-mouthed idiot – and I am confident that I won't know what the fuck I'm talking about." Jon Voight, 8

"The truth is, that's about it. I've peaked already." Newt Gingrich, 7

"I'm going to grow up to be a plane-wrecking maverick war hero. Then I'm going to make America watch as I slide into senility. Loudly. And everyone better stay off my lawn while I’m doing it – and that's ALL of my lawns." John McCain, 6

"Someday, I'm going to be an excuse-making, self-serving, manipulative fuck who doesn’t - sorry, what was the question again?" Lloyd C. Blankfein, 12

“As a child, I can tell you that school sucks. And when I am an adult, I predict that governing will suck, too." Jan Brewer, 10

“Now that I’m just a kid, no one understands what I’m talking about. I plan on being a grown-up who no one understands either – but are willing to pretend they do.” George Will, 7

“My ambition is to be a neocon Nostradamus-in-reverse, who is never right in his predictions, but gets plenty of airtime to demonstrate how wrong I can be – over, and over, and over again.” Bill Kristol, 14

“My fondest wish is to be a tub-o’-lard with a big mouth – and I dare any commie-lovin’, pinko leftist to predict I won’t be.” Rush Limbaugh, 9

“I am, as a child, inspired by the teachings of Jesus. As an adult, I plan to twist those teachings into something abhorrent.” Fred Phelps, 9

“In view of the fact that I am already considered to be a doddering old fool among my kindergarten classmates, I intend to continue on this career path.” Mitch McConnell, 5

“Being a childruns as I kurently am, I caniut rite or spull. My ambishun iz to bee a pultikal cunsultashunist what can helb wif sines and wat-nut in future.” (name withheld by request) Teabagger Activitist, 47

Personal prediction: this post will wind up on Snopes before the end of the week: “Did they really say that as kids?”

No, of course not – but they could have.

Did these people, as children, intend to become adults who lie, cheat, steal, mislead, misinform, promote hatred, espouse violence, fabricate, obfuscate, deny the truth, defy the rule of law, wage war, kill, torture, discriminate, segregate, fold-staple-spindle-and-mutilate the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Declaration of Independence on a daily basis?

Probably not – but they do so, just the same.

The bad news is we are stuck listening to them, as long as the MSM is willing – no, eager – to broadcast their views.

The good news is we can change the channel, or shut off the TV completely.

I would humbly suggest doing the latter – while making your decision known to the powers-that-be who control the alleged current “news” broadcasting.

“If I wanted Americans to be completely ignorant, I wouldn’t have invented the internetz.” God (age unknown)