“Jesus Didn’t Destroy Sodom and Gomorrah Just So We Could Try a Terrorist!”

[20score]

The mood was angry and the pace was frantic at Teabag Central this morning. Dick Army, various CEO’s and other grassroots organizers were fielding two or three phones apiece, while simultaneously directing fellow Teabaggers what they were outraged about.

“Just tell ‘em the founding fathers only wanted trials for Christians – tell them it’s in the Constitution… or the Bible – same thing,” shouted Glenn Beck to no one in particular. Within minutes that phrase was on Sarah Palin’s FaceBook page with a thousand people averring that has always been the American way, and only a Communist-Socialist-Fascist-Nazi would dare to say differently.

“Look, I’m busy connecting the dots that prove Nancy Pelosi caused us to burn her in effigy,” said Sean Hannity. “Everyone wants to know why healthcare reform is worse than Osama bin Laden and Hitler combined, well, I’ll have that for you any day now. Talk to my new assistant. Don’t remember his name, I call him Teabagger 143 - used to bring my coffee… really gets what’s going on.”

“But Sean,” I asked. “Doesn’t this bill help the insurance companies as much or more than it helps the average citizen? And isn’t what that what you wanted all along?”

“Commie,” he explained.

“I pride myself on being a constitutional expert, ever since Glenn Beck told me what’s in it six months ago,” said Teabagger 143. “Bet you don’t know that America has never tried a terrorist before Obama?” he said.

“Well, actually there have been hundreds of trails of terrorists, just in the last hundred years,” I said.

“You hate Jesus and America, don’t you?” said 143. “Jesus destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah to stop terrorists – and the gays!” he screamed. “Don’t tell me about the Bible! You don’t know anything!
“Look, I’m just an average guy that fears for his country. If burning Nancy Pelosi, making sure that Muslims and terrorists – same thing in my book - don’t get trials, and assuring people without the right jobs don’t get healthcare, is what it takes to save it… then I’ll do whatever it takes. Our motto is, “As long as we have shovels – there is no such thing as a bottom!”

By: 20score