Reply #29: I think Dave Barry's Martian Death Flu must have been the '76 swine flu

[csziggy]

We have the flu. I don't know if this particular strain has an official name, but if it does, it must be something like "Martian Death Flu". You may have had it yourself. The main symptom is that you wish you had another setting on your electric blanket, up past "HIGH", that said "ELECTROCUTION".

Another symptom is that you cease brushing your teeth, because (a) your teeth hurt, and (b) you lack the strength. Midway through the brushing process, you'd have to lie down in front of the sink to rest for a couple of hours, and rivulets of toothpaste foam would dribble sideways out of your
mouth, eventually hardening into crusty little toothpaste stalagmites that would bond your head permanently to the bathroom floor, which is how the police would find you.

You know the kind of flu I'm talking about.

-- Dave Barry, "Molecular Homicide"

I had it when I read his original column and almost literally coughed myself to death. I passed out from laughing/coughing and could not catch a breath for hours without stabbing pains.