Reply #22: We've got one of those in my extended family.

[MADem]

'Legal but profoundly immature' at eighteen, and her paramour was in his late twenties. The kid is cute, and disabled. The father stepped up financially (though not emotionally--he's a drinker) and they are "together' as the kids say, but the relationship is toxic, with all of those dominance and dependency issues you noted.

Of course, the teen momma (now in her twenties) in this situation is a rip roaring "I'm mature" pain in the ass who could probably benefit from counselling and medication, so it takes two to tango. She was a bright--but decidedly younger in maturity than her stated age-- girl who did very well in school, but now is relegated to taking the occasional online college course, and has missed out on the fun of college life.

Also, baby-daddy has no intention of marrying baby-momma (he has flat-out told her so, while she continues to scheme in pipe-dream fashion to attempt to rope him like a steer). Baby-momma cannot work because the kid is disabled, and is entirely dependent baby-daddy for food, shelter, sundries. It's like a fifties marriage, only without the marriage.

She knows, in her heart, that she's fucked up, but her pride won't allow her to admit the obvious, so she rumbles along in this shitty, tense relationship, bitching and lashing out at her parents for caring and worrying, and raising her disabled kid in a less-than-optimal environment with a surly drunk who won't always go outside to smoke.

I feel bad for her parents, they're good people who raised several other children who haven't been 'problem children' and who have none of these issues. There's if not always, often one, I guess. It's a dreadful mess. I only hope baby-daddy keeps his job in this economy, because I've got the biggest house and we haven't yet run out of spare room, and I sure as hell don't want to take that shit on!