Reply #25: Been there, done that

[hyphenate]

Had one asshole on another board who constantly harassed me when I was at a very low point in my life, and who helped make my decision to leave that board only more clear.

I know it's tough when depression is in the way--I, too, have been clinically depressed now for going on nearly 4 years, and life is hardly worth living it some days. Sleeping all day helps take the edge off once in awhile, but it's difficult to "live" if you're sleeping all the time. I lost one of my best friends to death in 2003, my other best friend's mom in late 2004, and my other best friend to the fundie cult just last year. And in addition, 4 of my furkits, 2 to them escaping and getting permanently lost, and two to death, so I can't say things have been very pleasant at all.

The part you said about people needing to be a bit more sensitive with how they word things....there are so many people who become more aggressive online than they are in real life, and there is really no way on an internet board to screen or select those with whom one discusses things. I've found that out the hard way. At DU, if there is an asshole out there who doesn't understand empathy or who can't keep his or her foot out of their mouth every time they open it, we can put them on ignore. That can be a handy tool for those who don't "get it" without a sledge hammer to their skulls. If someone still doesn't get it, it's best to stop ourselves from responding to jibes they might post or try to stir up the shit. Let's face it--people will usually show their RL persona online, and progressive thinking or not, some people are still assholes. :)

And while it's oft repeated, the notion could also be that some people feel liberated when they're online, and will be bolder and more aggressive because they can't been so easily identified. Their online identity can end up being a true jerk because their "play acting" allows them the freedom to be nastier and more outspoken.

When hurtful comments are made, the best course of action is to walk away. When you do, you are staying in control, and not letting your anger or other emotions cloud your thinking and forcing you into a situation which you'd rather avoid in the first place. What you could do is simply post a friendly little "smiley" and leave it at that--it will drive some people nuts, and that's a good thing!!

I know that while time hasn't yet "healed all wounds," it helps the stark memories fade just enough to live with them a little easier. I recently read a quote: " A man stays alive as long as he is remembered. He is killed only by forgetfulness." (Richard Basehart as Lieutenant Rennick in Decision Before Dawn) This says a lot--as long as we still hold the memory clear of a loved one, they aren't ever really dead--the good things we remember will keep them alive to us, and all transgressions are forgotten and forgiven as the bad memories fade forever. Just keep that in mind.