Reply #4: Not tough love

[undergroundpanther]

Tough love is an authoritarian mind-fuck to excuse the abuse of kids more than it is to stop toxic personalities from abusing people.

Tough love advocates believe torturing a person produces growth of character. I think torture and bullying does NOT help anyone develop any character ,it just traumatizes the person and teaches fear that appears as obedience to authority and the seeking of reward and avoiding punishment,to survive also this kind of abuse is a betrayal and it causes a profound mistrust of people with power and it fosters learned helplessness in the face of abusive toxic people.In other words tough love amounts to don't bite the masters hand,the one he smacks you with..

What I was speaking of was about creating and protecting pro-social BOUNDARIES in the personal and public. Not"tough love".

I am making no assertion that psychopaths, authoritarians and narcissists will grow a conscience by being tortured or humiliated. Or they'd grow a conscience by me or my society enforcing sane boundaries against their ass-holey conduct.
Too much tolerance or "tough love" does not change the essential issue of the psychopathy problem and our culture's needing to find some clear flexible but not too flexible pro social boundaries and enforcing them in a way that is effective in stopping abusers even if it means killing a few..

What I am saying is we do have to love ourselves and each other enough to not be apathetic to each others suffering, but that's not 'tough love'.A It is not "tough love" to desire and do what is required protect ourselves from abuse.I have no love for what seeks to traumatize and destroy me.To love a toxic personality is to love who seeks to destroy my mind heart body and spirit.
I don't want someone that likes causing me torment to assume they can get away with doing it by my lack of boundaries.

There is no growth or benefits to the abusers intended or implied by what I was trying to say about boundaries in my OP. I am not arguing for putting the "tough love" thumbscrews on the assholes.

I am stating a distinct need for an educated population in regards to dealing with toxic people. And forming self and social defenses with sane boundaries to protect us against people who choose to destroy our lives,exploit us, and want to desensitize us,abuse us and shut down our voices and cripple our emotions.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/28/AR2006012800062_pf.html