Reply #176: Asshole free zones

[undergroundpanther]

The thread
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=276x900

My post..

Asshole free zones Updated at 3:27 AM

I was talking to my therapist last night...

And He asked me what could have made a difference in my life.
At first I had no answer. Because my life sucks most of the time.It's pointless to grow up struggle get hurt,"succeed" have the intelligence,and all just to die and everything you ever loved dies.

He seems OK with the idea that things die,that shit happens.He seemed to say yes tragedy hurts,but accepted his powerlessness.And the capricious nature of a senseless cruel reality doesn't bother him.
(personally I think that's sick)
He thinks "life is an adventure" and said he once thought what's the point and that he'd never bring a kid into this hellhole.Something in him changed.
(I wondered inside my thoughts what broke him..
Why does he think it's OK the good MUST be tolerant of the bad? That it's all fine that all good things must die?)

I told him I dunno how to accept this existence this life,I'm not sure I want to. I said every time I try to love or share I get crushed belittled for what I have to offer or I am denied ignored or treated like I don't deserve to feel what I feel,or I "offend" or scare somebody who is rigid and it is determined by some arbitrary authority it's ME that has to control myself,and shut up not the control freak manipulating the system,who nobody wants to think is being an ass.I feel manipulated, jaded and cheated,by life here and because of this I don't trust people,I hate this civilization,I hate this sick sad situation and I want out...I am discounted,hurt,belittled denied,or worse of all hurt for caring,trying,being .And if I cry out I am called weak. This sucks.
I never asked for this shit.I never asked to be born.


We went back to the original question what would have helped me?

I replied when I was growing up I needed a HAVEN

A haven from stupid arbitrary capricious demands from rigid controlling malignant people>freedom from all this achievement pressure to "be somebody",make money,please the boss,suck the ass that shits on me, I needed freedom from all these other people desperate to shape me into what they wanted me to be ..a productive citizen,a "good girl" a a *fill in religion*."normal" ,a daughter,..I needed a place where no one said to me when I was not harming them:" Don't say that","Don't look that way" "don't feel that" "Don't dress that way" Don't think that way" "don't like that,you must like this or else",And most of all "Don't you dare be you or you will be destroyed".

I needed a place where trust was mutual,respect was not one way and expected always as in you give it regardless of how you are treated and others are entitled to it without proving they are respectable.

I wanted a community of unique friends inside a kingdom off strangers competing to win. Win what..a place on top where you can tell everyone who to be,what to feel,shut up,and force control.

A kingdom(top down pecking order) it seems,Can't stand to have a community of equality existing within it.That is why colonists kill of indigenous communities they know that once their servants taste freedom and support of equality they won't come back to the kingdom because they can't BEAR it. The kingdom as a social structure is narcissistic.. everything good must flow to the "leader"or the popular,the powerful or rich.The"big men"..and the leasers must be sacrifices for the kingdoms(kings) sake.Which means all people who are not'kings' learn to conform obey deny your own potential or die outcast.If you dare demand equal respect as a person than you are a threat to the "established order"" violating norms""troublemaker". If you tell what hurts you are a"victim" if you stand up against abuse,or corruption they shoot the messenger. This is sick.


For people with authoritarian,controlling, narcissistic or bully persona's living their lives under the control of a "norm" or tradition" or"strong leader" they say it gives their ego a feeling solidity and THEY like it.

To the more creative,loose,inquiring,exploring,courageous,feeling,thinking alive people it HURTS them to live in the way rigid people do in their system,under their"leaders".

The rigid,"traditional"defensive, back wards,narcissistic authoritarian persona is like a cancer consciousness when it seeks to limit,shut up or control the loose,creative,flexible, anti-authoritarian explorer,other-directed less defensive persona's.
Seekers asking why things are this way eventually begin to see the pain and their hearts are tortured by it,they want to help,share..And they don't want to be hurt for it.It sets up an inner conflict.Between doing what's right and caring and self survival.The empathy for the beauty being crushed tears their spirit apart.
But also non authoritarian people have a non threatened attitude twords other's joy .They can rejoice in the joy they don't"own" without feeling diminished in themselves by the brilliance of others,in fact they get inspired it makes their heart fly higher instead of making them feel inferior and competitive like they have to top others and be bigger fish than they are..

When another person's inspiration threatens to take a narcissistic oriented person somewhere beyond the arbitrary "safety zone".They gotta be better ,bigger and steal attention,.They are fueled by resentments,they react and attack the creative person for being what they are and sharing it..But the price for the rigid narcissistic authoritarian ego's precious illusion that all is safe or reasonable,and they are on top of the world to be complete they actually wound,destroy the good,the kindhearted,those who do,they steal,pillage,co-opt,they silence the sensitive,deep thinkers,rebels,explorers and creative.Narcissists and bullies don't want to get past their "kingdom"mind for they LIKE it,it is THEIR kind of"community" where THEY feel at home.
Problem with bullies is they want the whole world as their kingdom.They don't share,they don't give unless they get more,Authoritarians are NOT the majority,They effect communities like cancer that way.They want to take it all they can so they can grow and be bigger and live forever on top in control of everything even if it kills the Earth.


The bullies control "protean" or other directed people.The bullies hold them down with poverty shame ,in mental cages and traumas that takes a lifetime of therapy to undo.Whether bullies do it deliberately or unconsciously ,from fear or out of'convienence' it doesn't matter because it hurts the spirit itself.Dominator's seek out and fuck with people who are not like themselves,because they know explorers and givers can break their delusions of entitlement inside them,and take away the fear and enchantments they use to dupe entire cultures ,expose the lies to others that they build their pedestals to dominate everyone upon..

When abused people speak our minds fearlessly to power we remind them they are not gods,they have no excuses, they are assholes,they are vulnerable and as powerless against the forces that are out of everyones control as anyone else is..We tear their pedestals down and establish equality and human rights.

Sadly this dynamic happens everywhere people relate to each other on this earth.In couples groups and institutions,clubs and governments...

My therapist asked what would an Asshole free zone be like?

I said it would sorta be going back in time,back to being wild.
Back to being equal human beings respecting of all the other life.
It would require the force able creation of an asshole free zone.A boundary on ever person's conduct and character.It would require integrity and participation.You could not by stand,because to have a place that excludes kings from the community you must be intolerant of abuses corruption and power seeking.Differences that are not toxic controlling or abusive that DO NOT MATTER ,Differences that do not abuse trust or set up authority structures that stifle are not threats to a community of equals.

To create this kind of space inside a Kingdom like our culture is you must remain ever vigilant against the tyrant mind that resides in every human heart and reject socialization with narcissistic people,bullies sociopaths,and authoritarian personalities.All breakers of trust must not be allowed to get away with it,privacy must not be abused..You gotta do this exclusion of bad character in a reasonable way ,to protect the freedom of all in the community who seek freedom to be,peace and equality in right relationship in that community.

Maybe we can't see this mind of cancer eating us,as we serve it,it's making us crazy and suicidal because we are not living as we wanted,we have potentials stolen from us and redirected in the name of conformity and pleasing authority..we get tamed, by being born into a "kingdom" of haves and have nots,all our lives graded sorted separated,hierarchical by default,where it's conform or die,obey or else,shut up ,do your work,It's a jungle out there and you are on your own,Don't ask questions,don't offend the kings and bullies,Keep your nose to the grindstone,What can you do they are the powers that be,better to tell a lie than face the music,and do as you are told,don't feel that,Happiness is in slavery! Work sets you free!Don't think that way,don't BE you or you'll get hurt!! So to please the parents,the teacher ,the whole pervasive kingdom system posing as sanity itself we grow up stifled,dreaming,doing what we are told until we get enough money to retire,we live harnessed, controlled and broken fighting against each other to be something we are not beginning at a very early age. And it HURTS.Everyday it HURTS to remember what was taken,co-opted and denied us so we could "make it","fit in" and avoid being ridiculed,scapegoated,abused,out-casted from the illusory security of this kingdom ..When all the communities of equals are gone,the empire is all that is left,and for some of us it HURTS to be alive in a kingdom..

Everyday,we resist until we are crushed enough to be able to accept this condition.We stop hoping.Caring,giving,we close up.It takes 13 years of school to break a child's spirit,so he will work the rest of his days..The broken and resigned are the sane"functioning" ones.
And when some people break out of this prison this forced way of living imposes upon our minds and potentials ,some are so afraid of freedom and the consequences of daring to take it,the integrity required,the bearing of the soul with courage, they freak out looking at what looks like an alien landscape.They project,misunderstand their kingdom created defenses try to confuse them and blind them and distort what they see or hear..

They feel threatened and unstable seeing the evil nature of a kingdom from within it.Their mind can't stand it.They are complicit. Guilty and ashamed and they feel trapped to realize there is nowhere else to go and live.And they suffer,go nuts,make up delusions,get suicidal.Once you see the truth of what a kingdom does to a human spirit,you cannot unsee it again..The contrast of it all compared to their perceptions in their safe imposed fence, is unbearable..some self destruct.I think this happens because there is not any nurturing community of equals there to catch the explorer with a safety net as he falls. Our sense of TRUST on a human to human foundation has been violated by those bullies who seek to rule us,blind us,limit us, and use us for their own purposes..

There is no place for me to be me on this on Earth I think.For when a community of sharers and explorer's is set up,It's like a beacon to dominator's,exploiters narcissists.Soon some person makes waves and hurts someone ,a bully makes everyone scared to say what he is,an authoritarian seeks popularity or sets up an organizational structure so he can tell everyone to do it his way or else.

I Told my therapist if I was to say what would help me as a teen,I said I needed to go live in an asshole free zone.I said I needed a haven of equals,taking care of each other..Intent on making itself safe from bullies and control freaks of every kind who would tell them not to be.I still need a community to participate in with open minded fellow explorers who weren't so scared of exploring,or where other people go,who wouldn't hate me for being me,wouldn't try to top me,or shun me for what I found looking into the unknown,and would not stop me from sharing what treasures I found in my exploring with everyone who wanted some,and enjoying/exploring what treasures others has to share from their explorations..and being inspired by them..so we all can see more beauty,create more coolness,and go deeper into unknowns..and find out what we are...really.

I think we who see and suffer need to make a community in the kingdom and guard it vigilantly to keep it free.. A haven where we can LIVE,SHARE,and be FREE to BE without other people getting in who bring with them corruption, who force being "productive" or want to make us be subjected to arbitrary rules,"obedience" forced " choices" between sacrificing keeping your own inner locus of control intact,saving your integrity,obeying your conscience,having your own voice,pursuing YOUR happiness
or selling it all out for money,food on the table,protecting our kids,stress relief ,a job,or survival itself.
A place where everyone agrees it is to be free of conformity,authoritarianism,coercion,stifling,scapegoating,
intimidation,inequality,dehumanization,abuse or domination..and it equally applies to all ands all participate to protect it and maintain it as a place of peace beauty and love because they love their haven and rejected the values and entitlement mentality of "the kingdom".