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JeffR
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Fri Jun-15-07 06:19 PM Original message |
| ***DUzy Awards for week ending June 15, 2007*** |
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 Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring cacaphonous commentary, corrosive cracks and cutthroat comedy from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!Bulletin for trolls, moles & lurkers: The "playing with fire" :o DUzies will be announced every Friday, "ostensibly". :eyes: Previous awards can be found in my journal. Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD. And a huge thank-you to babylonsister for your kindness! OP by newyawker99: xxx response #3 by OurVotesCount-Ohio: ooo response #6 by helderheid: That's hot. response #10 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME: Welcome To DU newyawker99! :toast: :evilgrin: response #25 by InternalDialogue: I think you're pushing the analogy too far. xx, maybe. More likely just x. response #26 by onenote: well, that's one way to get the old post total up to over 145,000! response #27 by blondeatlast: Happy birthday, xxx! Woohoo! Where would we be without newyawker99 keeing track of these things tirelessly? response #31 by flying rabbit: Link? :shrug: On a thread by malaise: Why is Paris the main event on news today response #5 by PassingFair: Because she's young, she's rich, she has a vagina and she's not averse to showing it. That's why. response #11 by damntexdem: Because the TB guy didn't cough today. ;-) response #12 by htuttle: Because she's not chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff ;-) On a thread by Purveyor: Rice: History Will Rate Bush Well response #20 by BlooInBloo: The sun'll come out! Tomorrow! Betcher bottom dollar that TOMORROW! There'll be SUN! response #32 by krispos42: Oops, typo. "Rice: History Will Rate Bush Hell" Ah, much better now. On a thread by Purveyor: Bush Plagued By A String Of Mishaps On Europe Tour "ROME, June 9 (RIA Novosti) - After braving an upset stomach in Germany and being greeted by crowds of protesters in Poland and Italy, the U.S. president probably thought things could not get much worse - and then his car broke down Saturday..." response #1 by jgraz: Shouldn't that read "Europe Plagued By A String Of Bush Mishaps"? Just askin... response #50 by tanyev: Close call for George. Last time an angry mob in Italy got their hands on a fascist leader, it wasn't pretty. On a thread by peaches2003: The embarrassment never ends "Vatican City - US President George W Bush drew gasps at the Vatican on Saturday by referring to Pope Benedict XVI as "sir" instead of the expected "His Holiness", pool reporters said..." response #7 by Double T: At least bush didn't ask the pontiff for a snack, "Ponti, you got any sacramental wafers...... I could munch on and oh, yeah, how 'bout a little wine to wash it down". On a thread by sandrakae: Bush 'in awe' as he discusses Iraq with pope response #2 by Buzz Clik: "Dude, this is so cool. You are the Pope, and I am the President. That is so awesome." response #7 by No Surrender: Bush in awe; the Pope in shock. eom On a thread by kpete: Pentagon Confirms It Sought To Build A 'Gay Bomb' "(CBS 5) BERKELEY A Berkeley watchdog organization that tracks military spending said it uncovered a strange U.S. military proposal to create a hormone bomb that could purportedly turn enemy soldiers into homosexuals and make them more interested in sex than fighting..." response #1 by jpgray: The Pentagon perhaps misinterpreted all the "make love, not war" signs response #13 by RL3AO: If this was true the Republicans would have made a straight bomb by now. response #34 by hootinholler: Snaps for thinking outside the box! :rofl: response #62 by Kurovski: It would make a great gay porn movie. Just think of the friendly fire scene where both sides lay down arms to get down with the gettin' down. Peace at last in the happiest ending ever. Working title: "Emissions Accomplished." response #65 by MADem: With that working title, you'd just have to find room for a character in a flight suit!! nt On a thread by prolesunited: What's the longest time you've not posted on DU? response #16 by jobycom: 36 years. What took Skinner so long? :shrug: On a thread by Billy Burnett: America is THE BEST country in the world. Why? response #22 by impeachdubya: Not only is it the BEST Country in the World, California is the BEST State in the USA! Woo-hoo! And MY TOWN is the BEST TOWN in all of California! And I am the BEST HUMAN BEING in My Whole Fucking Town!! Woo-hoo! :woohoo: Oh, yeah, and don't forget: Earth is the BEST PLANET in the SOLAR SYTEM! :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo: And our SOLAR SYSTEM KICKS ASS OVER THE REST OF THE GALAXY! OP by Postman: What should appear over the exit door of the Bush* Library? "Showers mandatory" response #3 by Buzz Clik: "IQ Recovery Area" response #5 by zanne: "Your time in purgatory has been cut by 1,000 days" response #16 by ComerPerro: "that was five minutes you will NEVER get back" response #18 by Cabcere: Five minutes? I think you're being awfully generous. :evilgrin: response #19 by ComerPerro: I'm including time spent parking the car response #53 by Cabcere: Ah, I see. That's assuming a crowded parking lot, right? :rofl: ;) :hi: response #17 by WinkyDink: "You Actually ENTERED?!" response #21 by WritersBlock: Nothing. Having an exit door emboldens our enemies. n/t response #24 by Edgewater_Joe: "DOOR" So Dumbya knows what it is. response #26 by Rydz777: "Don't forget to flush." response #28 by spenbax: "Next time, bring a book with you." response #42 by OPERATIONMINDCRIME: "Well? What Did You Expect?" response #52 by Patsy Stone: Thanks for visiting Hope you didn't learn anything. response #56 by krispos42: "We lied. No refunds." "Mental floss: 25¢/ft" response #57 by rug: A video clip of Al Gore sighing. OP by Husb2Sparkly: Andrea Hahahahaha Mitch hahahahaha ell hahahahaha just said hahahahahaha ....... ...... Fred Thompson's strength is his avuncularity and southern drawl. She said this on Hairballz. There was no sign of an on-air orgasm. response #1 by ocelot: OK.... take a deep breath.... it's not that funny, really. It's not... Hahahahaha *snort* hahahahahahahahahaha *gasp* hahahahahaha... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: On a thread by Hissyspit: Huckabee: "Most" Prisoners In The U.S. "Would Love" To Be In Guantanamo "... on CNN’s Late Edition, former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee (R) expressed his disagreement with Powell about closing Guantanamo, saying 'most of our prisoners would love to be in a facility more like Guantanamo and less like the state prisons that people are in in the United States.'" response #2 by Phredicles: Wow - that sure puts a little square mustache on Hackabee's "aw shucks" persona. Edit: Meant to type "Huckabee". But the typo fits. :evilgrin: OP by Rocknrule: If there was a George W. Bush High School, it would be "Home of the..." Home of the Idiots? Home of the Chimpanzees? Home of the Dee Dee Dees? Home of the Colossal Fuck-ups? response #1 by Starbucks Anarchist: Home of the Whopper. response #4 by DFW: Land of the Brie, Home of the Depraved response #6 by sfexpat2000: Red nosed Deciders. response #8 by Patsy Stone: Home of the C Student. response #9 by krispos42: "Twenty-Eight Percenters" :rofl: response #12 by Phredicles: The Dry Drunks? The Fightin' Codpieces? The Waterboarders? response #31 by Kurovski: Home of the Stolen Student Body Presidency. response #56 by InkAddict: Hanging Chads? BlackOp Ballerinas? Raging Cagings? response #77 by Downtown Hound: Who cares what their slogan is What I want to know is, is the children there learning? Because someday they're going to have to go out and get a job to put food on their family. response #83 by L. Coyote: Somebody has to say it: Home of the Cheerleaders OP title by KitchenWitch: Do vegans drink Beefeater gin? OP by aein: We've succeeded in creating an American-style democracy in Iraq! I mean, what other country has a more politically-powerless executive and doing-nothing legislative body other than iraq? Mission accomplished. Now, lets get the hell out of there. On a thread by dogday: Woman Named Butts Charged in TP Theft "MARSHALLTOWN, Iowa -- Police blame a woman named Butts for stealing toilet paper from a central Iowa courthouse, and while they're chuckling, the theft charge could put her in prison. 'She's facing potentially three years of incarceration for three rolls of toilet paper,' Chief Lon Walker said, stifling a laugh as he talked to KCCI-TV about Suzanne Marie Butts. 'See, I can't say it with a straight face.' Butts, 38, was caught last week after an employee saw her taking three rolls of two-ply tissue from a storage closet, Walker said..." response #8 by wienerdoggie: Note the "two-ply" detail. Apparently the courthouse, while generous with its extra ply, decided it did not have a square to spare. response #9 by dogday: I'd say she is catching a lot of crap for stealing a few rolls of paper even if she has had previous theft charges.... response #11 by dicksteele: You steal paper from the STALLS, not the supply closet. Stupid rookie. That's it- she's outta the gang! response #13 by NorthernSpy: ames are powerful things. This was her destiny. From the moment she acquired the name Butts, she was swept along by fate's current til the day she did something embarrassing and butt-related. It's the John Wayne Bobbit effect. response #14 by Truthiness Inspector: "Police get to bottom of missing toilet paper: Butts charged." "Butts caught stealing TP, in deep doo-doo." response #20 by swimmernsecretsea: Throw the book at her! But you may not want it back, afterwards. response #21 by Javaman: That's a year a roll... and since there are roughly 338 feet per roll, that works out to 1.07 days per square... Our nation has some serious problems On a thread by LynneSin: Dan Rather SLAMS Katic Couric response #1 by philboy: No sex threads. n/t OP by 11 Bravo: Enough negativity! Post your Bush success stories here. I will go first ... I have it on good authority that the jug-eared little prick is able to successfully wipe his own ass, without assistance, after almost half of his shits. Poppy and the bug-eyed old lush must be so proud! response #3 by AndyA: The folks who work in the White House laundry will tell you that he doesn't do a...well, we'll say "thorough" job, based on his shorts. Like everything else, he expects someone else to finish up after him, he never completes anything, be it his military service, the wars he starts, or anything else. response #15 by likesmountains 52: He donated a watch to a man in Albania... response #23 by malaise: Here's mine And here endeth my Bush success story :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: response #25 by Gato Moteado: he told us that it's hard to put food on your family and he was absolutely correct. i tried it and they kept moving out of the way. response #30 by youthere: George Bush never stabbed me in the leg with a sharp object. It's true. OP by Lost-in-FL: Why is CNN making a big deal out of McCain's phone call?? I was at the treadmill watching CNN at the local gym (thank God they don't have FOX) when I noticed that CNN was making a huge deal about the cell phone call that McCain received during a campaign speech (I supposed it was a campaign speech, the TV was on mute with the caption on). According to the "News" (coughing) report When he was talking to the crowd, his cell phone went off and he said: "it's not my wife... so I won't pick it up." CNN was like "aaaawww, how cute... he will only pick up if he's wife calls him... aaaaawww!!! Doesn't that sound "staged" to you?? Come the f___ on... NO ONE in his campaign, even he's wife... didn't know that he was at a speech??? Please... why he even carry a cell phone for... during an f'n speech??? And they call this news?? :argh: response #1 by Sparkly: Imagine the headlines if he were a Democrat.... "Is McCain Too Old to Run? Senator Forgets to Turn Off Cell Phone!" "As President, McCain Would Focus on Calls from Wife, Not on Keeping Us Safe!" "McCain's Choice of Ring Tone Shows Elitist Insincerity!" "McCain Refuses to Answer Call from Osama Bin Laden Himself! 'I won't pick it up,' says the Dove-ish Candidate!" response #2 by quiet.american: :) -- Add this one: "McCain Refuses Call from Mystery Mistress at Campaign Stop!" response #3 by Sparkly: Oh, good one! Followed by... "McCain Camp Silent on Question of How Often Senator Has Phone Sex With Mystery Mistress! The Question Remains Unanswered! What Are They Afraid Of?" OP by Oeditpus Rex: 'When They Say... It Really Means...' Remember that old MAD Magazine bit? Shall we create the DU version? When they say... "Support the troops!" It really means... "If we pull out of Iraq, that'll leave W to deal with domestic issues, and then we'll be forced to admit he's a worthless assbucket." Go! :bounce: response #1 by FLDem5: when they say, "they hate us for our freedoms" it really means, "they hate us for raping their country's natural resources and taking the profits back to the fine upstanding malls of America." response #2 by Sparkly: Fun! When they say "robust economy," it means another trillion added to the national debt. When they say "progress on the ground" in Iraq, it means a new building lasted for over 72 hours before being destroyed again. When they say "Bill of Rights," it means pigs are flying over frozen Hell. response #5 by Arkana: When they say "We hate activist judges!"... it really means "We hate LIBERAL judges who don't rule the way we want in high-profile cases, but we don't mind if some right-wing nutjob tries to paint a case with his own personal and political beliefs." When they say "We support life!"... they really mean "We want to save fetuses so all you cancer, Alzheimer's, and other patients with rare and incurable diseases have to DIE!" When they say "Evolution and global warming are junk science!"... they really mean "I clearly have a political motive and am desperately trying to whitewash it AND win votes at the same time by appealing to the amazingly ignorant!" When they say "Democrats will hesitate in the face of terror attacks and are too weak to lead the country!" they really mean "Oh god the Democrats might use diplomacy to win back our allies so we can ACTUALLY combat terrorism more effectively and we can't have that because Dick Cheney needs to see a nuclear holocaust before his tenth heart transplant gives out on him." When they say "George W. Bush is the kind of guy you'd sit down and have a beer with." they really mean "George W. Bush is an overprivileged, uninterested spoiled brat and a moron who cannot read past a third-grade level, and we are desperately trying to whitewash this glaring problem by playing up 'folksiness' to people who aren't interested enough to read into it." On a thread by kskiska: George Bush's watch "vanishes" in Albania... response #7 by xultar: I wish that magican would try it on a grander scale next time. Maybe make his entire ass vanish. response #10 by shain from kane: Try as they might, can't blame it on Clinton's watch. response #15 by Buzz Clik: In 2001, America was shaking hands with Bush when all of a sudden our Constitution was gone. response #19 by Oregonian: ...and then a bird crapped on him ... :rofl: response #31 by truthisfreedom: ...and then his hotel toilet overflowed... ...and his limousine broke down... wait, that actually happened. response #35 by robbyrob79: Wasn't that his secret decoder watch? How's he supposed to know what kind of secret messages Ovaltine is sending him? Its an ominous day for america! response #95 by NotGonnaTakeIt: CNN.com is now reporting that the watch was in his pocket all along This according to WH propaganda spinmeister aka "spokesman" Tony Snowjob. He lost his head also. Oh wait, they found that also. It's up his ass. response #99 by mahina: Hope it was expensive. response #109 by olddad56: Very expensive. It was only a Timex but he bought it from Haliburton costs the taxpayers half a tril. On a thread by AlinPA: Could anyone imagine a DU reunion/convention party? response #7 by Buzz Clik: Dear God. I can only imagine: The environmentalists would come wandering in barefooted wearing only animal skins. The PETA crowd would immediately throw paint all over them. The socialists would be gathered in the corner wearing images of Hugo Chavez on t-shirts and looking for rich people to yell at. The DU admins would be gathered around a laptop trying to get democraticunderground.com back online after its latest crash. A small crowd of beard-wearing latte-sipping NPR-listening academics will be pontificating to whomever they can corner. The DU faction of the NRA will be having a gun battle with hotel security in the parking lot. A klatch of paranoid DUers wearing tinfoil hats will be constructing a mock-up of WTC Building 7. The Dennis Kucinich fan club will be wondering why everyone is ignoring them, while the Draft Gore crusade will be circulating petitions and conducting polls. The GLBT, feminist, and atheist crowds will figure out who I am, and they'll be fighting over who gets to beat the shit out me first. ============== Yeah, I can imagine it. I wouldn't miss it for the world. response #22 by rug: As long as it doesn't conflict with Hannity's Freedom concert. On a thread by Beelzebud: A funny thing happened at the gas station today. I bought an instant lottery ticket, and I just won $675,000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! response #16 by cat_girl25: .... I hate you. :) response #46 by johnnie: Aren't we related somehow? Seriously, congratulations! That rocks. response #54 by Uncle Joe: I've been tryiing to find you dad, where have you been? n/t response #102 by rug: There's a solicitor in Nigeria who wishes to speak with you. On a thread by sabra: Bush calls watch story ‘ludicrous’ "According to CNN’s Ed Henry, a Time magazine photographer asked Mr. Bush on the way out, “Do you have the time?” The president played along and let the photographer snap a shot of the watch. 'I have never seen such a ludicrous story. Unbelievable,' the president said..." response #7 by Stephanie: I have! "Iraq has sought quantities of uranium from Africa." THAT was more ludicrous. "We can't wait until the smoking gun becomes a mushroom cloud." Yeah, that was more ludicrous too. response #9 by jmowreader: No it wasn't. Saddam really was seeking significant quantities of uranium from Africa. He was going to make watches out of it. On a thread by Bob Geiger: Is GOP Senator Kit Bond A Liar Or Just Plain Stupid? response #1 by TechBear_Seattle: Yes Those are not mutually exclusive choices. On a thread by WindRavenX: Who is the biggest tool in politics right now? response #10 by impeachdubya: George Miserable Failure Walker Chimpiferous Von Drunkenstein Worst Preznit Ever Bush. nt response #11 by ih8thegop: He's not just a tool, he's an entire Home Depot. (nt) On a thread by wakeme2008: Report: About half of Georgia teens graduate response #1 by Spinzonner: Well, that explains Saxby Chambliss On a thread by RiverStone: If Hillary becomes Pres, what should Bill's role be? response #3 by Tierra_y_Libertad: Fashion consultant? Thongs and blue dresses? response #5 by BeyondGeography: Staying out of trouble first and foremost And good luck with that. response #7 by BOSSHOG: Director of Intern Development On a thread by DeepModem Mom: Fred Thompson's easy ride "starting to get a bit bumpy" "... Opponents and their researchers have begun working -- mostly behind the scenes -- to highlight perceived soft spots in his conservative bona fides..." response #2 by Phredicles: I gather "lazy airhead" isn't considered a negative in Publican circles. response #4 by The Magistrate: No, Sir, It Is A Basic Qualification The equivalent of 'Jacks or better' in a friendly game of Draw.... response #5 by Sentinel Chicken: Neither is liar, wife beater, convicted felon, alcoholic, crook, sneak thief, moron, pedophile, brain damaged, criminally insane, religious fanatic, serial killer, mule molester, drunk driver, con-artist, toe sucker ... well you get the picture. On a thread by Kerrytravelers: Who here is thinking about applying to be a Mod? response #30 by TrogL: Skinner still hasn't forgiven me for last time Mod Rule #1 Do not ban Skinner. response #41 by unpossibles: although I like the pill popping and dancing aspect of being a Mod, and I ride a scooter, I'm not .. oh, that's not what you meant, is it? On a thread by maddezmom: Bush tells Baptists he won't sign any bill that destroys embryos response #31 by Betty: he wants the embryos to grow up so he can ship them off to Iraq where they will die for their glorious leader. response #40 by bemildred: Bills don't kill embryos, people kill embryos. nt response #41 by olddad56: I'm surprised he isn't pushing a bill to clone soldiers. On a thread by MonkeyFunk: Kurt Waldheim is dead... breaking on CNN... response #3 by REP: Post Urging "Us" To Show Some Respect in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... Screw it. Where's my dancing shoes? On a thread by sabra: Snow: President Bush Is ‘On The Frontlines’ Of The Iraq War ‘Every Day’ "In today’s White House press briefing, reporter Helen Thomas asked Tony Snow if there are 'any members of the Bush family or this administration in this war.' Stunningly, Snow claimed that President Bush is actually on the 'frontlines' of the war in Iraq..." response #1 by aquart: Like to see a map of that front. response #4 by Tierra_y_Libertad: Right. Like when he was heroically protecting Alabama from Louisiana in that other war. response #14 by Lisa: but that actually worked out! Alabama wasn't annexed, after all ... ... and the Viet Cong never did gain a foothold in Texas, thanks to Georgie's work with the TANG. response #6 by atreides1: I'm starting to feel sorry for Snow Those treatments for his cancer are starting to affect his ability to lie effectively. response #12 by Solly Mack: I wish response #25 by tabasco: You bet he is! Remember when Bush searched the Oval Office for WMD? He should award himself a Freedom Medal and a Combat Infantryman's Badge for his brave service in the search for WMD. On a thread by Scurrilous: Backstreet Boys boss busted in Indonesia "Boy-band mogul Lou Pearlman was arrested in an Indonesian hotel early Thursday, turned over to U.S. law enforcement officials and flown to Guam to appear before a judge there, authorities said. Pearlman was charged with one felony count of bank fraud..." response #3 by MilesColtrane: Who cares about his investment scam? He deserves a life sentence without parole for creating the Backstreet Boys. On a thread by calteacherguy: Lieberman equates Iran with Nazi Germany/Hitler. response #3 by rpannier: rpannier equates LIEberman with an asshat Just thought I'd get into the game of making comparisons OP by dicksteele: GEORGE W. BUSH: MISUNDERSTOOD MAN OF VISION! (dialup warning) GD, June 14, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x1118791 On a thread by babylonsister: Petraeus: Life In Iraq Showing ‘Astonishing Signs Of Normalcy’ response #11 by smalll: lol - "Astonishing Signs of Normalcy" - good band name, for a certain type of band; even better, the title of some over-long contemporary novel or something. The next David Foster Wallace perhaps. response #18 by Art_from_Ark: Or the title of a Dickens novel, perhaps "Ebeneezer Geezerfield stood at the magnificent bay window on the second floor of the prestigious Drury Lane firm of Geezerfield and Grungeley, admiring the solid gold snuffbox which his late grandfather, Jehosephat Geezerfield, had bequeathed him upon the latter's deathbed. Taking a pinch of the precious weed betwixt his thumb and forefinger and snorting it up through his nostrils, he then turned his attention toward the street below. Gentlewomen in pompadours and hoop skirts scurried hither and yon on their way to the greengrocer's or the hairdresser's, whilst gentlemen in silk cravats and ruffled shirts gathered 'round the newsdealer's or made their way to the tea shops to discuss the news of the day-- the King of France had, for the second time in as many years, been restored to his proper place upon the French throne. A horsecart carrying children-- some no older than 6 years of age-- made its way toward one of the many workhouses of the city, where the young waifs would fetch a few pence for a long day's work to earn their existence in this world. Geezerfield paused to reflect upon the scene below. "Astonishing signs of normalcy!" he pronounced triumphantly to himself. "This is truly the best of all worlds!" response #16 by BushDespiser12: Just booked my vacation for Disney-Baghdad... I hear its pyrotechnics display is unbelievable. x( response #22 by Edweird: Bartender! I'll have what he's having! OP by bagrman: And now a message from your President. President Bush Rigorously Defends Immigration Bill to His Rapidly Imploding Base of Xenophobic Crackers THE PRESIDENT: Good afternoon. Today I want to take a minute to gab atcha about the new bipartisan immigration bill which I'm betting the farm will be the only part of my legacy that isn't a big sloppy shit sandwich. Now for some mysterious reason, lots of folks don't like my policy – and a big chunk of my base is even trying to get it killed in Congress. Luckily, it's not the all-important Corporate Gazillionaire Plutocracy part of my base. No, it's just the piss-ignorant, dirt-poor, trailer trash KKK Bible zombie part of my base. And me and Karl Rove know how to play them like a cheap jew's harp. That's why today, I just wanted to issue a friendly reminder to all those millions of red state Rush Limbaugh fans who have worshiped me without question for the past seven years: Folks, we've been together through a lot. And you've stood by me through it all. Through the illegitimate election of 2000. Through the double-dip recession. Through the terror attacks of 9/11TM. Through Enron. Through the botched war in Afghanistan and failed hunt for Osama bin Laden. Through the clusterfuck kickoff to the Iraq war in 2003. Through the Patriot Act and illegal wiretapping of innocent Americans. Through "Mission Accomplished." Through Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo Bay and a policy of torture. Through Katrina. Through failed Social Security reform. Through Armstrong Williams & Jeff Gannon. Through Terri Schiavo. Through Tom Delay. Through Mark Foley. Through Scooter Libby. Through $3.00 gas. Through Walter Reed. Through "the Surge". Through Alberto Gonzales. And now even through 3500 US troops killed in Vietraq. And after all that, the thing it takes to get you folks pissed at me is letting a few million Mexi-Ricans pour over our borders and steal your jobs so you can't afford to put Ramen on the table? Well, I think I understand your problem. On one hand, you correctly accept that I'm practically Jesus. But on the other hand, you can't help but feel a surge of simple-minded, paranoid racist hatred every time you hear one of those dirty Spics yammering away in that nonsense gibberish of theirs – when even Star Trek nerds know that English is the only language in the universe. So yeah, I know, it's awful confusing for y'all. That's why today, I just wanted to shoot out a quickie reminder to you folks that should clear everything up: I am your divinely appointed ruler. God picked me. Never question my (His) opinions. Immediately resume being the obedient brainwashed hicks I know and love. Or you will rot in Hell. I have spoken. Thank you. OP by SalmonChantedEvening: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Hague Pardon Me Tonight (To the tune of Comedy Tonight – Zero Mostel & Stephen Sondheim) Feeling abandoned, now reprimanded In the state’s custody So pardon me tonight My information, your resignation Cause and effect you’ll see So pardon me tonight When this bird sings Panic abounds As Fitzgerald releases the hounds To Leahy and Waxman I’ll just state the facts ma’am Taking down everyone in sight Anarchy tomorrow, Pardon me tonight I’ve got more emails Than Hefner has females Walton can’t wait to see So pardon me tonight I’ve got the goods Fire meet feet This is a jail cell have a seat Save from the thermal My epidermal I just might even do what’s right Have I made it certain? Pardon me….. tonight! OP by bunkerbuster1: Take the SPESHULL DU "RESPECT-DUH-PREZNIT" CHALLENGE! How's about, just for fun, and to show how much discipline we all have, we go for a whole week without using pet names for Chimpy McFuckstain/the Pretzeldent/Dim Son? How about, just for fun, we refer to him either as "The President", "GW Bush", or suchlike? Wouldn't it be fun? Wouldn't it show the lurkers that we can turn this fekkin' show on a dime if we're of a mind to do it? Any/all other name calling would go unabated--Darth Cheney, Condiliar Rice, Abu Gonzo and the rest of the Krazy Kriminal Krew would still be fair game. Pick a week, any week. How's about next, starting Monday the 18th? who's with me? response #5 by karlrschneider: I could probably do it. Hell, I gave up drinking out of the toilet for Lent! :evilgrin: response #40 by LSK: The Week of January 20, 2009 works for me :patriot: On a thread by matcom: Teen Caught On Security Video Preparing To Have Sex With Horse "A Corvallis teenager is facing charges of burglary and sexual abuse of an animal after being arrested last week at a barn in northeast Corvallis... The owners of the property had reported assaults on the horse before, once on July 30, 2006, and again on Feb. 9 of this year. After the July incident, the owners noticed the halter of their mare had been moved. So the owners installed a video surveillance camera inside the barn... Deputy Clay Stephens, who viewed the video, said the youth seemed very practiced, not hurried but not wasting any time. Stephens said he seemed to be following a 'very concise, deliberate, well-thought-out plan.'" response #10 by texas1928: He was just horsing around. :hide: response #11 by Orrex: Maybe he thought she was a girl from Filly? Philadelphia is lovely this time of year, after all. response #13 by texas1928: He walked up and asked... "why the long face?" response #14 by Orrex: And she answered "All I want is a stable relationship." response #16 by DS1: Her eyes said 'Neigh" but her tail said "Giidiyup cowboy" response #17 by Orrex: He started that day with a sore throat But ended it by feeling a little horse. response #19 by DS1: It provided the glue that kept their relationship together response #25 by Orrex: He once dated a cow But her endless ruminations drove him mad. response #22 by Blue-Jay: NEIGH MEANS NEIGH! |
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