Reply #47: Again, my own limited perspective in response

[One_of_8]

to: I often wonder where are the other people in the lives of the OP's story. Certainly being a parent of a mentally ill or disabled child is highly stressful, but I often wonder how many of these deaths could have been prevented if other family members or outsiders had recognized that something was terribly wrong. Or quite simply tried to help out or lend a friendly ear. Obviously not all of the deaths are preventable of course, however some could have been.

But then again, when these "respected" organizations send parents the message that their kids are something bad and to be killed, what else can society expect?! Sadly eugenics is alive and kicking. People would much rather fund a "cure" than to help those already here.

1. Where are the other people in the lives of the OP's story? Good question. In my own life, my sister lives across the country from the rest of my family. So none of us are "on-site" and we see her once a year, if that often. We speak frequently by telephone, but of course that's no substitute for face-to-face time. She (my sis) moved across the country when she married her husband. She's established friendships, roots, and her autistic daughter has an established routine and teachers/classmates that she is familiar with. So my sis, naturally, does not want to pull up and move back across the country to be closer to family.

I agree that having a support network can make all the difference in the world. But I can also understand that sometimes, sadly, people can feel like they have run out of options. Especially the mom who committed suicide after killing her child - I don't get the impression that she thought her child was bad or broken, and therefore expendable. Rather, even with the bare bones of the story, it seemed a tragedy. A mom perhaps unable to care for her child any more, no resources available, and unable to bear putting her child into a home where he might be miserable or ill-treated. I hope that both souls are at peace.

2. I'm not sure what organizations you feel are sending the message that autistic children are bad and deserving of death. But because I'm touched by having a niece with autism, I can say that no one in my family feels this way. I also have a sister with Down's Syndrome, and we never, ever, felt that she should not be alive. Rather, she is and has always been a blessing and a joy in our lives. Our only sorrow is when she recognizes she is different somehow and feels sadness, then we feel sorrow at her confusion. But she is deeply loved, and so is my niece. But I think many of us do worry, what will become of her? What if my sister becomes incapacitated? Who will care for our niece?

As parents, we all worry about our children, especially how they will fare if we are no longer there to look out for them. If you are faced with the prospect of a bleak, loveless and maybe abusive situation for your child should you predecease them, what thoughts must race through your head? What fears and anguish must wake you up at night? I can't condemn that one mom who took her own life after taking her child's, because I think it was motivated by love, not lack of it.