Reply #49: I realized that it was about jealousy when I was in my forties.

[murielm99]

It took some insight and counseling before I saw it. But I blame my father as much as my mother, who, like Kyle's dad, allowed and condoned all the abuse.

I have spoken here about my first marriage. My husband was 22 years older than me. He was a wonderful man who died too young, at 49. I am sure now that I married him because my own father was such an enabler. I was lucky to have married a good and gentle man. I think many girls like us end up with abusers. I hope that doesn't happen to Kyle.

I remarked to my brother one time that our dad was never our father, only her husband. He was not allowed to be our father. Our mother was jealous of every bit of attention he gave us. My brother, who has some good insights of his own about our family, agreed.

My mother never stopped her jealousy. My middle brother, whom I mentioned above, married a nice woman. My mother broke up their marriage. My father supported every cruel, lying thing she did. I tried to help, but it did no good. My brother has had enough therapy now that he sees what happened.

My mother is threatened by every woman who is part of her family. My brother's three daughters have nothing to do with my parents. I don't blame them.

It is a shame that stories like ours are not rare. I am sure that we are not the only ones who lost sleep last night. We can get the help we need, and stop the cycle of abuse. We can be supportive of those who have been through the same thing, and find help for children like Kyle.

It is an odd thing though, about my siblings, and yours, too. I am the most stable and normal of all of my sibs. When they have run into problems, I have helped them. I am sure my parents see this, too. The hated and reviled kid turned out best.