Greetings

[varkam]

I hope everyone here is doing well. I'm hanging in there -- still working the program and trying to take things a day at a time. I still struggle with my higher power and with surrender, but things are getting better little by little. I'm trying to get in a good place spiritually -- it's likely going to be a very trying few months and I know it's not something I can do on my own. I'm working on my application to sit for the bar exam. I'm trying to be very principled in how I'm going about this -- open and honest. That certainly may not be how I've lived most of my life, but it's the only way I'll ever be happy. They could very well tell me I'm not going to get to take the exam, and then I'd have a law degree come may but no ability to use it (though I doubt I would get much sympathy from the student loan folks).

I pray and I ask just for the serenity to accept whatever the outcome. I figure it's foolish to ask for things to go one way or the other, because I have found that even if I know what I want I may not know what I need. It's hard, though...and I know that if they tell me no I'm going to want to rage and break things and lose myself in drink and porn and sex...and I know I can't do any of that, I can't run away.

I'm not going to be able to get to meetings as often as I want because of my schedule, so I'll probably be around here more often. It's nice that there are still so many folks here that I remember :) I hope you all had happy and sober holidays.