Reply #139: Truth is stranger than fiction

[RevCheesehead]

As the FBI agents escorted Bleever and Crispini to the hospital, they began to fill them in with what scant details they knew.

"There was a 9-11 call made around midnight last night. The person said they saw a Green Jag headed up Mt. Estro, out of control. But when the sheriff got there, there was no car to be found at all. All we have is a woman's body, some strewn rubble on the road, and lots of questions."

They solemnly walked the long corridor to the morgue. Crispini was near tears, wondering if one of her dear friends was gone. She felt a slight pang of guilt, realizing the FBI agents told them it was a woman - at least, for now, her Keith was safe.

As they entered the morgue, Agent Scully warned them "there is no easy way to say this. The body is gruesome - hideous, even. I've never seen such a body as this before." Agent Mulder quickly added, "it's much like the Picture of Dorian Grey - almost as if pure evil took over all at once, killing the victim. But we have no idea who she is."

Crispini couldn't look, and buried her sensitive head in Bleever's strong shoulders. Gulping bravely, he said, "OK, I'm ready."

As Scully pulled back the sheet, all Bleever could manage to say was "holy fuck and a half." His one good eye was throbbing with excruciating pain, and he wished for a moment that he had brought along a spare eye-patch.

In a few moments, he could bear to look again, and squinted as he beheld the hideous sight. The body was beyond thin - it was anorexic, and he knew in an instant that this was no EDV which lay before him. He whispered to Crispini "it's not one of ours."

Crispini peeked out between her fingers and forced herself to gaze upon the pile of pure evil which lay before her. At first, she started crying with relief, gasping "it's not one of us...", but soon her tears turned to an almost maniacal laughter.

Agent Mulder asked her, "Ma'am, do you know who this is?"





(pregnant pause)







"OMFG, don't you know??? It's Ann Coulter!!!"

Scully and Mulder shook their heads in amazement. They should have known, but were prevented from truly seeing the truth (which was, indeed, "out there") because their FOX-lenses clouded their vision.

Mulder stammered, "now we've got a real mystery on our hands," as sounds of "BWAHahahahahaha..." could be heard echoing through the corridor of the hospital.

(to be continued)