Reply #12: It's over now 6/25-12/30

[Champ]

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=289x2#54
Post #23 goes over how our relationship was for most of the month. She stayed with me from 12/23-12/27 for Christmas, she has a family but there not actively in her life. She is basically on her own, I've been the only stable thing probaly in her life.
23rd: She arrives in the afternoon. We were so happy to see each other, it was like we haven't seen each other in days. We showed infinite amount of love and affection for each other. It felt so good to hold my first love in my arms, we have had countless moments I wish I could freeze and live forever.
24:This day was good, me and her helped my mom out with the shopping because of a broken collarbone. The whole day was special but then she got ill and started shaking, we had an ambulance called over and me and her started the first minutes of Christmas in the hospital. She was really sick but it wasn't an emergency, she was prescribed vicodin for her infection in her stomach. We took a cab home, looked up sites together and went to bed.
25:I woke up and went downstairs and saw her. She sat next to me, told me she was scared to open the presents me and my mom got her. I got her 2 CD's, I know her so well she liked those CDs the most out of all of them. My only present was her being there, we all sat down and ate a nice ham meal. We laid down afterwards, we ended up falling asleep because of the long night. I woke up went down to watch the Broncos and Titans, fighting for playoff hopes they go out and fire on all cylinders. She came downstars, I turned it when it was clear Denver won the game to Home Alone. Watched that movie and took her out to Denny's which was open on Christmas night, the food was great, the entire time we were together we connected like we just fell for each other the first time except we were falling more in love. When we got home we laid down next to each other, we stayed up till 7 in the morning connecting. That ranks right up there as one of my best moments ever.
26:We woke up in the mid-afternoon, we spent about an hour or two talking, showing our affection. I went up to the grocery store and got her a huge bag of chicken which is her favorite. We finished that off by the end of the night. We sat and watched movies, went in my room and finished off the chicken. My mom did want me to tell her that since she has a broken collarbone, she needed an extra hand to help around and struggling financially she could stay there til we got an apartment. I felt like I was qualified for alot of the warehouse and distrubuting jobs around here and they pay well. She went to sleep early this time, I stayed up late applying for job postings.
27:We wake up in the late morning, we go out for lunch. We had to walk 2 places to fill her prescribtion. I asked her the question, she was ok with it she just needed time to let her job know of the situation and to get her stuff. The last hour of her stay was really special, maybe the last true moment of our relationship. I wait with her for the bus, she was going to call me tomorrow.
28:When I woke up that next day, a place I applied for had 40 openings and scheduled an interview at 2. I was so anxious to see her. She called me around 12 I told her about the interview and how much I was missing her and thanked for the best Christmas ever. She suggested that we get married in June, I was ok with it, she was my first love therefore my best love and 6 months is plenty of time to get things worked out and situated to start a family. She said she would come by at 7. I go to the interview and I start work Monday, they start you at $7.00p/h, you can work up to $10.00 p/h and bonuses. She called again at 5 this time she was acting different, she did say she was going to be over in a little while but when I said "I love you" she said "uh-huh" hung up the phone. I didn't understand the reply but thought nothing of it. I wait till 9 for her but no call or no show, I decided to go to my best friend of 6 years house for a few hours. At home I was thinking about alot of stuff, on how to make a marriage work and how to keep each other happy. I was thinking about a vacation as newlyweds by saving up money and going on a vacation on our birthdays(only 5 days apart) or christmas. I was never more anxious for the future.
29(This was the day she was going to spend the New Year's Weekend with Me):I only got about 4 hours of sleep with that on my mind, I spent hours thinking. I woke up at noon, my girlfriend's friend called me around 2 to let me know my g/f was going to live with her, the place she stayed out she had to leave because the residents would've been evicted because she wasn't on the lease. Appearently she tried to call me first but I wasn't awake, staying up late quite possibly lead to the seperation. I took a shower and hiked 8 blocks to see her, when I arrived she hugged me, I was so tired I layed down for a few minutes. Then she got a phone call, she went into the other room and I heard her specifically say 'catch the # bus to the mall' she then goes into the living room where I am, she said she was going to the mall and not trying to disrespect me. I said can I come? She said I like going to malls by myself, I told her what she specifically said and what would be the problem with me coming with her, she got mad at me saying I'm accusing her, then she went on to say the reason why she didn't see me was because she got drunk for the first time in 10 months(She is diagnosed with bipolar, alcohol got her in trouble the last time because of how it affected her), wanted to kill herself, and passed out. She did say she tried to call me around 10(I wasn't there) and she did try to reach me earlier that morning and she was upset at me for not able to reach me because she needed a place to stay. I did not know what to say exactly, she wouldn't tell me why she wanted to end her life. I just felt down especially after being so upbeat the prior day. She came in and hugged me, I had to tell her much I cared for her and she said she cared for me too. A couple hours later she asked "When are you going home?" with an attitude behind it. I asked in the least offensive way 'why does it seem you want me to leave?' honest question, she gets mad and walks toward the room and lays down. I was like wth? what happened? I told her it was an hones question and what else could I say and asked her why she chooses to disrespect me when all I want to do is be her friend. I walked off and she came again to comfort me. Around 11 or so I asked if she wanted to stay with me she told me she didn't want to, I atleast wanted a reason during that time her friend's husband (both mexican, 1 born in us, 1 mexico) came home drunk and said to her according to her in spanish 'there is something inside of me that has been hurting for awhile I need to know, god sees you right now, did you ever cheat on me' She admitted to the one she had. He then got mad, went inside to get the car keys, she took them away from him and went inside. He followed her tried to take the car keys but she would not let go of him, I never seen anything like it. She was crying hysterically and held on to him as tight as she possibly could. She has 2 kids(Not his) and her husband was the only guy that has been good to her. He tried pushing her off but she asked my g/f to call the police, me and her went outside to wait for them. She snapped at me for even trying to talk to her, I tried to explain to her that I was not her enemy, that I love her and something I said 'what is wrong with our relationship? It could be alot worse' she wouldn't say no more to me. I then got upset and I couldn't remember what it was but I heard her say "F- you, ...(I didn't hear what else she said because police arrived at that time but I knew any sentence that starts with an FU isn't a good one)..." We didn't say anything to each other, when the police left they suggested the husband and the wife stay apart for the night. I was in the house sitting down, It was raining out and I lived 8 blocks away. I was just so sad, I can't explain how I felt. Her friend asked me what was wrong, I told her 'she don't want me I don't know why' her friend asked my so why she did that. She said I don't want to talk about it, she was impossible to communicate with the entire day. Things seem like they couldn't be better but 2 days later It's Over??? 6 months gone just like *poof* I went into the room because I needed to be alone, there wasn't anything that couldn't be worked out. I heard her friend say to her 'Please think about what you're doing, whatever the reason he has a heart for you and you will never find anyone like him' that just ripped into me. She did not even care, she ignored me, wouldn't say nothing to me. Maybe 4 hours went by and I decided to put on my coat and head out, I had so many mixed emotions. It felt like she was all of sudden heartless, what changed? I couldn't help but I got mad towards her and told her she was wrong and couldn't complain about anyone doing her wrong and stormed out the door. I took the CD's(gave them back the next day) I bought for her just because it didn't feel like she felt bad at all for what she did and I wanted her to feel atleast a portion of what I was feeling, She followed me, she was having a manic episode and it was an ugly one. I kept walking and she said 'I was going to get back with you', but she was mad she kept making threats she was going to f- me over, make my life hell, I just kept on walking. She then told me "I broke my sobriety and it's all your fault" During the whole time she was self centered and didn't place any blame at all on herself. I can't remember what I said, but I never said anything disrespectful to her, I only stated my case. I said something that caused her to stop and turn around the other direction. I kept walking, next thing I know I see her about a couple blocks behind me with a mexican guy. Just random guy, I went off somewhere but I watched her laugh and walk with this guy down some street. I did not cry, I was just so unbelievably shocked. I went home and just sat there, I can't explain the overall feeling I had but it is a feeling I never experienced. 2 hours later I hear the phone ring, I answer: "I'm so sorry" I will never forget the way she said those 3 words. She said she hasn't been herself the last couple days, I didn't know what to say and what she did is something I will never forget. I told her I would give her the CDs tomorrow but I told her 'we shouldn't be enemies towards each other, we have been through too much' I went to sleep.

Yesturday: I woke up, checked the mail her check was in there. She had checks mailed to my address because I always lived at the same place and she could trust me to get her checks to her. Her friend drove her over and I gave her the check and CDs and went with. The 3 of us were shopping around for clothes. I was making her laugh and we were talking to each other like how we used too. A guy friend of her's called her friend's phone and I heard my SO's friend say to him after she told me something "I was just telling.." My SO says "Don't.." I said "Don't what?" she yelled "nothing" I just did not say anything, when we got to her place. I ran up to McDonald's to get us all something, on my way back I seen her husband walking. I walk over by her and she is crying and called the police, he came over to take shower and his clothes. She tried to hold on to him when he left and he pushed her against the building, I asked her where did my girlfriend go. She told me she went to go to the mall to buy me something. Police locked up her husband. I felt like I could find it to forgive her if she does this. She didn't come for over 3 hours and when she opened the door she closed it right away and opened it. She was with this guy and she actually bought him some cd's and a pair of pants. He was wondering who I was and she asked him if they wanted to go for a walk. That was it for me, here they are sitting in the kitchen just chatting away to each other. In the conversation the topic of her husband came up, he said "Good, he used her. That's what all border hopping mexicans do. I hate them." then he said "And those fuckin' towelheads too" I was so much better then this guy I felt if she is going to do this me I say SHE deserves him. He will never love her as much as I did and now I don't think I can ever love her again. I stayed around because her friend was going to pay me to watch the kids, she went to go walk the dude down the block because his dad was going to pick him up. When she came back I could not look at her, I couldn't. I'm sorry but I just couldn't. She eventually put on her jacket and her purse and headed out the door, I was in no stage to be in a house with 2 kids by myself. I put the money on the table and I said 'I cannot watch these kids, here is the money you can watch them' I walked out the door and never looked back. I went to my friend's house who I grew up with and known for 6 years, he is real cool and he has a great relationship with his wife. One of the best relationships I've ever seen, they share everything together, they are truthful too each other, and actually encourage active friendships unlike many relationships. I learned ALOT about relationships just by watching them. I will bounce back stronger from this, I still love her in a way I hope she makes some right decisions in life and finally find some stability(which she would have if she stuck with me just awhile longer, I start work Monday at a good job like I said) which she never said. But I will always have that memory of what I've seen and it will be impossible to be unaffected by the memory. Good Luck in your relationship, I hope it lasts for your sake. I want people to find someone they can share the rest of their life with.