Reply #11: patience of a saint, you are. i'd have gotten a different contractor ages ago.

[NuttyFluffers]

sounds like you don't know how to speak "Guy". i have trouble with it myself in some areas, but pretty fluent in both "man" and "woman," American English dialects.

that comment from your DH... men often close ranks i've noticed. however, the "you can call me doctor" part definitely sounds like a gauntlet thrown down, establishing rank, even if you didn't mean it that way. that tension leaves a touchy situation.

when a man's opinion is about to be challenged openly (by a woman or not) this kicks in pride, and the easiest way to diffuse the situation for another man (who cares about said woman or not) is to soothe over the other man's ego and laugh off the situation -- often at the other's expense. not necessarily meaning your husband wanted you to look bad, but men tend to have bad emotional control (especially in relation to pride), and he might have been thinking this way would have been safer for all around. it could have ended really poorly, but that doesn't excuse the men closing ranks and the contractor pushing the subject.

men are culturally trained to suppress all emotions into a big ball of explosives, to be set-off by any little thing that wounds their sense of pride. this causes big explosions followed by profuse apologies. but men are also trained that after the initial blast, you are supposed to cool down, patch things up, re-suppress everything and go back to the zen like state of non-thinking/feeling. it's an easy cycle where things stay calm, go boom, then go back to calm and mostly forgiven.

women are not trained to operate in the same conflict/resolution paradigm. however, make no mistake, men are just as emotionally sensitive as women and can/have/will take imagined slights just as intensely as any woman. the training on how to resolve it is just a little different between the genders. but it's a good idea to learn how each group speaks.

for men, jabbing or joking back about things is a good way to establish that you aren't here to piss around and take orders, but aren't hostile either. establishing any direct comparison of status is -- as it is among women -- a direct confrontation, however. both respond poorly: a man will sabotage your stuff or attack you directly, a woman plans longer so as to not leave evidence (but damn sure to make you know who did it). and people rarely intend to corner someone into feeling bad, but that's the nature of misunderstanding each other's way of speaking.

so saying, "i know about warranties, too; i have a law degree." or "thanks for the advice. i took a law class on warranties, too. *wink*" or "yeah, i can read warranties, too. *laugh* thanks, though." is all mostly fine next time. it sets the boundary that you know what you are talking about as well and aren't going to be steamrolled. that's another habit, where men feel entitled to steamroll over a woman's opinion, but this is long enough as it is.

might i suggest chamomile tea, and unless this contractor is the Michaelangelo of flat washes, a Better Business Bureau directory of other paint contractors.