Reply #375: This discussion means a great deal to me

[BillStein]

I haven't really told people much about my background, but I think it's time I did... I'm almost 59, and have been active in GLBT rights since the first time I went to college. Back in the late 70's I was among the co-founders of a GLBT group at my college. Unfortunately, our original group soon splintered over issues such as inclusion of other sexual minorities, and the inexcusable behavior of some frankly misogynistic members. We tried to keep the group intact, but by the time I left there were three active groups on campus- our original GLBT rights group, a Lesbian group that made it clear men were unwelcome, and a graduate school LGBT group.

I've seen this dynamic too many times. In the early 90's a local HIV support group splintered into several different organizations due to personality clashes. I knew most of the people involved, and agree that a few of them could be abrasive. But I could have sworn we were working together to help our community in a crisis- and there really is strength in numbers. In Law school, we had a strong, active and influential GLBT group, but when we tried to merge with the undergrad group, there was open rebellion. To my mind, another opportunity lost.

More recently, the GLBT synagogue that I belonged to for many years started falling apart over perceived slights to different groups. Several persons who were in transition (I apologize if that's the wrong term) felt they were not getting the support they deserved. I can only speak for myself here, but I realize that my desire not to offend became offensive in itself. I never wanted to make them feel unwelcome, and I apologized for my insensitivity, or more specifically, my ignorance. Meanwhile, some of the men in the shul felt that some women made them feel unwelcome. There was, in fact, some nastiness over the choice of a Rabbi. Some women stated openly that they would resign if a man was hired- and leaving my opinions aside, this seemed unnecessarily combative.

And then I returned to DU after a long absence. I wasn't here for the gay purge, so I had no idea what caused the problems. I only knew that the LGBT board was moribund, except for a few people who seemed dedicated to its survival. Now I read the posts here, and learn that at least some of the problems are rooted in yet another divide between LGBT and AA members- or divisions between straight and GLBT DU members- just another example of a group of people who should be allies dividing ourselves and diluting our power in the process.

It broke my heart to think that what should have been a valuable resource was ruined. I didn't understand the dynamics of DU, so I didn't post unless I felt I had something worth saying. As you can see, that didn't happen that often. Maybe it's time I spoke up more often- but I can't tell you how many times I've reread this....

So let me just say this, if I said anything with which you disagree, or if you feel I'm wrong, or I misunderstand- just tell me, and we can talk about it. Don't call me names, don't question my intelligence. And please don't question my sincerity. OK?