Reply #38: I was a mod at the time many LGBT members were banned.

[TygrBright]

All I can give you is my perspective; and I wasn't the most active mod on the team, so I did not see everything. Actually, I think Skinner covered the meta-data pretty well in his OP when he said:

>>Meanwhile, those of us who saw him differently were wondering what the heck you were so angry about. And because this is a discussion forum, some people on both sides were making highly inflammatory and unfair attacks against each other, questioning each other's character and ascribing ugly ulterior motives. It was an enormous drag, with lots of hurt feelings on all sides. We lost lots of great people because of it, some of whom were banned, but many more who decided to leave on their own because it sucked to be here. My few attempts to try to foster a little mutual understanding between the two sides were at best fruitless, at worst unwelcome.

I know that the "gay purge" is often held up as the watershed moment here on DU. If we are honest, I think we know that things had gone off the rails long before then and we were all miserable. But what happened was incredibly sad and tragic. In hindsight, I do believe it could have turned out differently, especially if there had been some line of communication like the Ask the Admins forum. The precipitating event -- a group of people basically ganging up on a moderator -- was something that had never happened before on Democratic Underground. I made the (not unreasonable) decision to step in. But as soon as I told people that they needed to knock it off, or else, we were on the brink. I had no further room to maneuver and left myself no choice but to ban anyone who continued -- and people did continue. I regret that it happened, and I regret my role in it. I believe I could have handled it differently.<<

Here's what it was like from my POV. When I signed on for my first term, there was the usual orientation "conference call." In addition to covering the basics of moderation for us noobs, there was an extensive and very serious, thoughtful and sad discussion of the increasing rancor that was manifesting between some members of the DU LGBT community and some non-LGBT members of DU. Experienced mods expressed great frustration and anxiety over the difficulty of maintaining civil and meaningful discussion in any thread any time this conflict erupted within the thread. I didn't really 'get' it, since when I'm not modding I usually avoid conflict. But it was enough to make me aware of the issue. At that time, Skinner and EarlG pointed out that while making LGBT members of DU feel safe, wanted, and 'at home' on the site had always been a high priority, the level of conflict that was leaching into all of the "main" fora and many topic fora and groups from this issue was very challenging. At that time, they felt the best way to handle it was to be more consistent and pro-active in deleting inflammatory, highly-emotional, and/or confrontive posts that broke DU rules, from all 'sides,' all viewpoints, and all perspectives.

When I started modding it pretty much smacked me in the face. The mod forum would be ticking along relatively steadily with an average number of obvious trolls, off-topic or forum-inappropriate posts, the occasional Lounge blow-up, and a temper tantrum or PUI (posting under the influence) now and then. I'd check into the mod forum and there'd be three or four alerts to clear in my mod area, and I'd suggest a course of action and refer them to the forum. Then I'd run through the stuff in the forum referred by other mods and offer my input-- maybe another 10-12 posts under current discussion. They'd clear and new alerts would come up to replace them at a steady but manageable rate.

Then all hell would break loose. Suddenly the alerts would start piling up faster than the mods available could even review and move them into the mod forum. And it wouldn't stay confined to one thread or one forum. It was personal and nasty and it would draw more and more people from each opposing viewpoint in. People who hadn't seen the 'beginning' would get bewildered and offended by the level of rancor and the emotional temperature, and they'd wade in trying to 'calm things down,' which (not unnaturally) only made things worse. A thread would get locked and then the parties involved would pop up in other threads, and it would spread out from there and go on for hours or days. The mods would get so dizzy and exhausted trying to keep track of it all and trying to stay level-headed and objective and see the "hows and whys" so that we could make allowances or find the main sore point and deal with THAT, that we'd get to the point of deleting posts and locking threads just as a way of getting space to breathe and look for perspective.

There were, to be very honest, moments when I felt like "nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out." I'm sure other mods felt that way sometimes. We tried never to act on those feelings or let them overwhelm our good judgment but I'm sure it did happen occasionally.

And what it was hard for us to see at the time, and what EarlG put his finger on (see Skinner's post above) was how our attempts to be "evenhanded" had a disproportionate impact on the LGBT community. We all knew intellectually that DU's LGBT members are essentially a "community within the community" and a close-knit one, at that. Many LGBT members know each other IRL, not just online. There's much communication--phone, email, etc., amongst the DU LGBT members, outside the DU fora. And the LGBT community has a big "profile" on DU in relationship to its actual size. There's also what I call a "present consciousness" about the GLBT community right now. All oppressed groups have a group consciousness that relates to that oppression, it affects us in different ways and degrees depending on how active the political and social fight for rights is at any given time, and a number of other factors. What I call the "present consciousness" is the highest level of the phenomenon and it makes group members very vulnerable as well as very strong and active.

Please know that all of the moderators sincerely believed that we were sanctioning those who were antagonizing the LGBT community just as attentively as those within the LGBT community who were most actively participating in the conflicts. But we were misjudging the impact. And at the time, it was difficult to see alternatives, or other ways to handle the conflict. And the conflict was making DU a difficult and unpleasant place even for people who weren't conscious of the stress points and members involved.

There WERE attempts to discuss it with the LGBT community. Indeed, at least one mod that I can remember (and I think maybe more) was LGBT and tried to establish some dialogue on the issues in this forum. Other mods tried to address AA forum denizens who seemed to be strongly antagonistic, and still others tried to mediate some of the issues in GD-P where many of the explosions happened. We weren't very effective. And there were plenty of hurt feelings among mods as well when sincere but inept good intentions predictably backfired and flak came our way. And when some of us were legitimately questioned for poor judgment or hasty actions, it was easy to dismiss it as more of the same.

I was on and off during the mod term when the mass bannings took place. I remember signing on at one point and the bannings had happened since my last session in the mod forum. There was discussion in the mod forum of why they'd happened, and how to handle the anticipated backlash. And many moderators agreed with the decision to try and put a wall between past and future, in the hope that not allowing any further discussion of the bannings and what led up to the bannings would help the "whole DU community" recover faster.

I am sorry for that. Very sorry. It was a stupid, lousy decision and we mods should have known better. I should have known better. I did know better, but I was tired and frustrated and I hate conflict anyway and I just went along with it. And I know (and knew then) perfectly well that that is NOT how you deal with trauma, especially when you are complicit in inflicting that trauma. I should have spoken up, and made a case for trying to find a way to reach out more effectively to the LGBT community and allow you to process and discuss and ask for explanations and help and healing. And even to open things up to reconsideration within a fairly short time window. And I didn't speak up for that, and I apologize.

I don't know any easy ways to make things better for the future. I know that there aren't any "do overs." I'm not a mod anymore, but I am pretty sure from what I know of those who were mods then and still are, that while the mods regard the quality of the whole DU community as their job, they care deeply about each of the "communities within the community," and certainly about the LGBT community. I hope Skinner's OP provides an opening for a little more healing. I know it won't happen fast. I know there will be setbacks. As always, the larger community asks a much greater weight of tolerance and accommodation from those we oppress than those who are oppressed seek from the larger community. But that makes sense, if only because the hurts we inflict upon those we oppress are so much deeper than the oppressed can inflict upon the oppressors.

So please, where you can find it in you, continue to extend some tolerance, and accommodate the ignorant good intentions, ignore the indifference, and fight with principle and compassion the stupidity and intolerance that you find here. We love you. I love you. Your fight is mine and my family's even if I am not LGBT. You are important to DU in ways far beyond the wit and passion and righteous confrontation you bring to these fora. I'm proud that you share DU with me, and I hope I haven't made an ignorant ass of myself in your DU home.

respectfully,
Bright