Bush to expand Patriot Act

[daa]

Washington 9-23-2004

Attorney General John Ashcroft is asking the republicans in Congress to grant him emergency powers to color code CDs. "This is necessary due to Cat Stevens attempting to infiltrate the United States via a United Airlines flight."

Stevens is a threat because he disguises his terrorist activities. He was last spotted by the crack Homeland Security Force "performing at a benefit concert to raise money for victims and donating a portion of the royalties from a career retrospective to a relief fund" according to CNN.

He drew further scrutiny by condemning the September 11, 2001 attacks in New York and Washington.

Ashcroft said the threat level posted on CDs would parallel the threat level used by the Homeland Security Force to not confuse the public with the color codes.

For example, Pat Boone would be green coded, the only threat being boredom. Metallica would be coded orange for "high".

Being coded red for severe along with Stevens are Bruce Springsteen and REM. They pose an immediate to the Bush reelection campaign by raising money and awareness for President Bush's enemy, I mean opponent in the November draft, I mean election, if it still proceed.

Also on the red (severe) list is John Lennon and Keith Richards. You will remember that Ashcroft lost an election to a dead guy so you can never be too sure.

It has not been determined if Willie Nelson belongs on the high list or the severe list along with Springsteen.

Another red flag for the Homeland Security Force is Stevens charitable nature. Stevens gives away money to charity and we all know that with the Bush/Cheney administration, charity begins at home, or at least Halliburton and Enron and other rich guys.