Reply #21: Here's some of what I'm wrestling with.

[calmblueocean]

I don't see a country ready to grant gay marriage. Given the success of anti-gay marriage ballot initiatives in driving out the vote, my sense is that we're not merely an election or two away from it, but perhaps many years.

In the meantime, gay couples need to be able to be on each other's health insurance, they need to be able to make medical decisions for each other, they need to be able to inherit property just as easily and as unequivocally as hetero couples do. All those rights which I'm sure you're even more aware of than me.

Civil unions, for some strange reason, seem to be much more palatable to some people, even though they are basically marriage without the word "marriage". But the only reason to support civil unions is because you know that supporting gay marriage is so politically volatile that you can't support it yet and get elected. So supporting civil unions is a sort of "turning away" from the gay community, at least superficially.

The thing is, I think that gay marriage will come about more quickly in a world where civil unions are accepted. And gay couples go through real agonies and struggles without the rights that civil unions would bring. To me, it seems like speaking out for gay marriage right now instead of civil unions is actually condemning gay couples to spend even more of their lives without any rights or recognition of their relationships at all. It seems to me like the first, most important thing to do is move the ball down the field, so to speak, and get civil unions, and then we can focus on calling those civil unions "marriage".

Is this totally wrong in your view? What parts of my logic do you disagree with? Thanks for your opinions (and anyone else in the GLBT community who wants to answer).