Reply #12: Okay, serious answer here

[skygazer]

One of the strongest marriages I know is between two people who are not "in love" with each other. My friend and his wife have been married going on 8 years - they have two kids and a very nice relationship.

My friend wanted badly to be a father and had never found someone he loved deeply to partner with - his wife wanted children and a secure future and had not found it anywhere. They met, discovered they had mutual goals and decided to make it work. And it has.

They appreciate and respect each other and have a great affection for each other. I would not say either is in love with the other but I suspect over time, that may happen. Or it may not. Both are happy in the relationship and they get great joy from their children.

The thing is, while I think love is wonderful and important to a point, a relationship can not be forged only on that basis. There has to be shared goals, ideals and interests that will bind a couple together beyond the initial attractions. Most successful long-term couples that I know tell me their love has grown over the time they've been together. That tells me that if people like my friend and his wife are clear and honest with each other, the possibility of love after marriage is there.

There have been plenty of successful arranged marriages throughout history. I sometimes think people put too much emphasis on romantic love or mistake sexual excitement for love. Then they're disappointed when it fades and they find there's nothing else to hold them together.