Reply #7: sharing in workplace freebies ...

[Lisa]

I guess that it's technically a form of "regifting", but I tend to place gifts from institutions in a different category -- not like something given to you by an actual person, let alone someone you have a close relationship with. Yes, QMPMom, I would pass these kinds of things along, if I thought someone else would like them more. And I very seldom regift, discard, or donate to charity ANYTHING which I've received from an individual, even when I probably should (and I am dragging around nearly 4 decades' worth of stuff as a result). So I'm not saying this lightly!

If I feel a particular gift will please the recipient, I admit to breaking the unwritten "gifting" laws, because I believe that putting a smile on someone's face overrides everything else -- that includes buying secondhand (something my mother said was a no-no) to get a hoped-for out-of-print book or article of vintage clothing. I've found that personalizing the item (a handmade card, or including some of the recipient's favorite candy) can help one get past the "is this a faux pas?" jitters. Last week I received a gift basket from the local public library board as a thank-you for some volunteer work, and I felt barely a pang of guilt as I added a few things and repackaged it for a friend who's been feeling kind of bummed out this winter -- I already gave her the Christmas gift (a set of cookbooks and some utensils) this past summer, when she moved into her new place.

A lot of it depends on the recipient's feelings. If s/he is the sort who would be delighted to be in a select group who will share in the largesse, go for it! I know there are folks who just don't like getting anything that wasn't purchased new with them in mind ... but I'm not on gift-giving terms with many of them in any case. (People who know me tend to be used to getting stuff that's weird, secondhand, homemade, or delivered at odd times of the year -- sometimes all of the above.)

There are actually some situations when something which is clearly a re-gift is better than something bought intentionally ... especially if it's luxurious or expensive. I know a couple of people who get embarrassed if they think you went out and bought something for them ("It's too much, I don't deserve it", or "Take it back, I'm not a charity case!") -- I once rubbed a brand-new stockpot with steel wool so I could pass it off as "something I've had on the top shelf for ages" and casually hand it over to someone who really needed it. I even faked a publisher's form letter, for a book which I had just purchased, so I could stuff it into some recycled packaging and claim that this was an "extra" desk copy given to me by a colleague. (The ruse was so successful that the recipient's spouse now thinks I'm a tightwad, but I can live with that.)