Reply #70: You're sunning yourself in the backyard, when Progspawn tells you that

[LaraMN]

"I've met a nice girl, and we want to get married and have babies." You laugh, until Britney Spears pops out from behind a shrub, and tells you that she loves Progspawn, and, while she can wait until he's eighteen to become a real couple, she would like to come live with you. A moving truck pulls up and drops a mountain of belly shirts and cosmetic items on your front lawn. You have to quit your job to care for Sean Preston, as Britney is cracked out most of the day, and cries alot. One day, she up and leaves, and K-Fed shows up, and is moving in with you. Progspawn begins to emulate the rap stylings of Federline, and you have to enter the witness protection program to evade him. But you have the power to turn anything with a laminate surface into topaz, so you don't care.