Reply #12: "Hi to all our family and friends,

[geniph]

our dear ones about whom we could not give enough of a shit to go to the trouble of writing actual individual letters. Hey, the likes of you are lucky we bother to send anything. We're remodeling the bathroom, and here are innumerable numbing details about the toilet replacement and the drywalling. Here's the progress of the toddler's toilet training. The 14-year-old has almost stopped wetting the beds, although he is still setting fires and tormenting animals. I blame my family members, except for the ones who are reading this - you of course are the only decent people in this whole horrible family.

I'm thinking about actually getting a job and becoming a productive citizen, but I really think it'll interfere with my QVC shopping time and soap opera viewings. Besides, everyone knows the baby will be better off with me at home, even if I spend the entire day ignoring it, watching TV and drinking mai-tais.

My husband's little "problem" is much better since we discovered Viagra. We even have a webpage about it for only $5 a month, payable via Paypal or Visa!

Oh, and if anyone has any extra money, send it along. You know our kids won't break into the houses and steal the property of those who "help us out" this holiday season!

Love (I don't really mean that)
Your anonymous relative or distant acquaintance"

You mean that kind of newsletter?