Reply #20: Heresy!

[FarmerOak]

Hand-ripping lettuce is what got this salad into the sorry shape it's in today! Don't you realize that when you hand-rip your lettuce, you might just as well be eating a POTATO salad... or no salad at all?!?

Hand-ripping is just one step away from FOOT-ripping, and why would you want to do THAT??? Why do you hate this salad so much? Are you a spy sent in here by the rutabaga lobby, trying to rip our salad to shreds? I'd really like the moderators to investigate you, and see if you don't have some sort of connections to the pickled-beet people, who try to ruin our salads just because they lack integrity.

Years ago, everyone here used to chop their lettuce with a KNIFE, and we all got along. There was much rejoicing, and we danced long into the night. You rippers (frippers?) came in here, and it's never been the same since!

If you rip-heads are going to ruin this salad for everyone, I AM LEAVING, and I'm taking my tasty cherry tomatoes WITH me.