Reply #25: About two years ago, I went to the ER. I had been feeling progressively (HA) lousy...

[MiddleFingerMom]

.
.
.
...for about two weeks, but was struggling to make it ONE MORE DAY because
I had a doctor's follow-up appointment scheduled for the next day.
.
I just couldn't make that last day, so I went to the ER. They checked my
vitals quickly (fortunately, the waiting room was empty) and put me RIGHT
into an exam room and the doctor came in within a coupla minutes.
.
We had spoken for no more than a minute or two when everything started
fading. HARD and FAST. Somehow, I realized that I was dying (and I was...
and did). The doctor had the most calming, reassuring eyes and voice and
the last thing I saw consciously were those eyes... and the last thing I
HEARD while fading was his voice saying, "We know what's happening. We
have you. We will not let you go." Calm. Confident. Kind.
.
I didn't go to the light. The light went AWAY from me... in the rectangular
shape of that exam room.
.
I had always been curious as to just how I would react if I should ever
KNOW that I was going to die at the moment it occurred. I worried greatly...
GREATLY... that I would go all hypocrite and start apologizing to Jesus
and claim that I didn't mean it and I was sorry for being agnostic, if
not atheist. I would have been so ashamed if that had happened.
.
I'm VERY happy to say that it didn't. My overwhelming and repetitive
thought was, "It's OK... ... ... ... it's OK."
.
I've had a wonderful life and, though I'm not eager or anxious to die...
it would be... obviously... OK.
.
.
.
So, while I had fretted that I would prove that "no atheists in foxholes"
crap... it didn't happen.
.
.
.
And I didn't channel Jesus when I died.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I'm pretty sure, with the "it's OK" mantra, that I was channeling Kurt Vonnegut.
.
.
.