I think this is getting serious

[Nuclear Unicorn]

I spent a lot of time talking to the "ex" this weekend. He doesn't even seem like the "ex" really.

We talked on the phone until 2am Friday night/Saturday morning. We talked twice more on Saturday. I wanted to see him Saturday night so bad but he wasn't asking to see me and I wasn't sure if I should ask him. It was really kind of strange because when we were together all he wanted to do was see me.

Finally, Sunday I broke down and asked if he would meet me for coffee. He got quiet but finally said he would and truth be told that quiet pause really freaked me out because he seemed reluctant to see me and that crap is never good.

So we met for coffee and we just kept gabbing away. I was really enjoying seeing him again and even though we always talked freely while we were together it was like we were meeting each other for the first time. It was like we had a lifetime of catching up to do even though we had split just a few months ago. We didn't get contentous, we didn't bitch about past boyfriends/girlfriends...we...just..talked.

In a way it was refreshing but in another way I was starting to get...scared(?). He wasn't giving me ANY signals that he wanted to go home with me. Not that he ever gave signals in the past we just either went ot his place or mine. But nothing we talked about had the slightest hint of "that".

Finally the waiter told us they were closing and we left. Still no asking/signals so I leapt first and asked him if he wanted to go home with me.

"Not tonight," he said and you could have knocked me over with a feather. I swear I must have started to have a panic attack right there. Was he passing up sex or was he passing up me?

It must have shown in my face because he just sort of smiled at me and said, "Relax, I'm not going anywhere."

I just grabbed him and started crying. He asked me what was wrong and all I could do was blubber-out that I didn't know why I was crying.

He said he wants me back but if we do end up back together it pretty much means things are serious and he wants to make sure this is what is best for both of us.

He didn't want sex, he wanted...me. I mean, I know he wants sex but this is different. This is new, it's strange and truth be told its kind of awesome. *I* feel different. I feel like I'm special to him and that is strange because I've always felt that since sex is so intimate its how people let each other they're special to each other. But now this is special too.

I know I'm doing a crappy job explaining this but OMG I feel so different inside. Whatever affections I had for him just exploded. I know we're going to "be together" but it just feels like ...ugh, I wish I could find the words.

Now I've got to work on me. He made a very valid point that politics was a means to an end but the end was being with those you care most about without life's ruder intrusions getting in the way but if politics itself gets in the way of that then to hell with politics. I can't say I agree with much of what he believes but I can't really argue with that.

I'm not giving up anything I believe amd he hasn't asked me to and he was blunt when he said he wasn't giving up what he believes "just to get the goo-o-o-ood nookie". (YAY! He said I'm "goo-o-o-ood") We're just not going to let politics be a fighting issue with us. Frankly, I'm sorry it ever did. He said he wanted me more than he wanted my vote and that seems like one helluva "well, DUH!" right about now.

So, we have another phone date tonight...and I can hardly wait to just talk to him.