Reply #95: I do too, my friend.

[Cabcere]

:hi: I've always been something of a perfectionist, but only when it comes to me. I forgive other people for screwing up (most of the time), but I find it very difficult to forgive myself. I was actually talking with my dad about self-acceptance/love last night, because it's something I've always had issues with. I was bullied in elementary and middle school, got involved in a bad relationship in high school (on top of being diagnosed w/clinical depression at the age of 16), and it's only recently that I've begun to realize that maybe I'm not such a terrible person after all. I think the major turning point for me was during the winter of my sophomore year in college, when I went to stay for a week with a friend in Florida (we ended up dating for a while, and although we're not "together" any more, we're still very close). It took a hell of a lot of work on his part, but over the course of that week, he helped me to open my eyes and understand that he really, truly cared about me and honestly believed I was a beautiful person, inside and out, and for that I will be forever grateful to him. :) I still have my issues, but that was a real revelation to me - that this sweet, funny, smart, talented, good-looking guy could actually see something of worth in me, and I slowly began to believe that maybe I did actually have something to offer the world. It's a long journey for sure, and two years later I still feel like I'm only just beginning (lots of pitfalls and backslides along the way, although I think I'm still making progress overall), but I've noticed that my attitude is slowly beginning to change for the better. I still wonder why a lot of people seem to enjoy my company and want to be friends w/me, and I'm still sometimes insecure about my looks, but there are some days when I can actually accept that I'm an okay person to be around, and maybe even sort of pretty in an unconventional way.

That said, I don't really have any "advice," per se, but do know that you're not alone. :hug: And for what it's worth, I think you're awesome - I may not have told you this before, but you were one of the first people who made me feel really welcome in the Lounge. (Not that anybody made me feel unwelcome here - I just remember you being one of the first to say hi and make me feel at home.) :hug: Peace.