Love among the small appliances

[EFerrari]

What is it with this whole small appliance thing? Last year, my brother, my hardworking MUSICIAN brother with three girls under 12, went to a mall and bought me a quesadilla maker. Since I have a skillet, I was at a loss as to what to do with the thing. It took me a year to overcome my guilt and give it away.

So, this year, he gave me a omelet maker. And, again with the big box and the instruction manual and the warnings and cautions and registrations.

I will find the moral courage to give that away, too, but in order not to hurt my brother's feelings, I can never invite him over for a meal again. Ever. Because I will be busted!

And, it ain't just the younger folk. I very specifically asked my mother for a hand cranked can opener. But no, she had to buy a Rival Model CN770 electric can opener -- and she threw in a Cuisinart just in case there was a spare inch of empty space in the kitchen.

These people have known me all my life. They know my mixer is a fork and the N Judah is my chariot. What *happens* to people in December that impells them to buy things that plug in to the wall or to each other, regardless of the consequences?

I won't even get into the TiVo and the iPod. While the latter is doing a great job of holding down my desk in a mostly nonthreatening manner, I no longer know how to turn on Channel 2 and that big blue eye is oppressive.

It looks like an irritated cyclops.

These are the same people that only buy at health food stores and who mind their Chi or Chai or Chakras or whatEVER.

Next December, I'm going to have a low tech sick headache and bar the door -- or they'll be in here with electronic thermometers and portable CAT scan machines that also answer the phone and forward your email.

Merry damn Christmas!