Reply #27: Hi, this is Haele posting as hubby Laz...

[lazarus]

I'm not a psych-type, nor do I play one on TV...
But it sounds like she's got issues about something she screwed up and can't admit, and she's taking them out on you because you're an easy target for her.

She's using you like other people will kick a dog when they're pissed.

You aren't a selfish, horrible mother if the reasons you have for not having the party are consistant with the budget and discipline (lord knows kids need to learn limits and the difference between "wants" and "needs"); houses get messy in minutes when there's a kid and animals and you work; going to church like it's a social club instead of going because you want to get closer to the diety of your choice is hypocritical at best; and no - you aren't in denial.

It's okay for your mother to act like a shit and you still love her. You don't have to feel guilty because she wants you to, and if she's not going to give you constructive help and criticism, it's okay to say "I'm not going to discuss this unless you want to offer help that will actually have some bearing on the real world instead of the fantasy world you want to live in." - or hang up, if she wants to continue to play passive-agressive control games with you because she can't control other people or things in her life.

It's okay.

Haele
(an evil stepmom who's housekeeping skills are not the world's best, either)