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This one's from Australia's Kevin "Bloody" Wilson, by way of Canada's own Bowser & Blue:
Quite often I get to thinkin' How as kids we got by Christmas time at our house We couldn't even afford a fire But we made do with what we had Back then when I was young Ol' Dad would suck a peppermint And we'd sit around his tongue
We couldn't afford no shiny tinsel For our Christmas tree So we just wheeled Granddad in An' made the ol' fart sneeze But things change pretty quick I've got kids now o' my own And I watched 'em openin' their prezzies Late last night when I came home
Here's what the little buggers were saying...
<Guitar riff>
Hey Santa! (Hey Santa!) Where's me fuckin' bike? I've unwrapped all this other junk, an' there's nothin' that I like! I wrote yer fuckin' letter I came ta see ya twice You worn-out geriatric fart, you forgot me fuckin' bike!
If I'd wanted a pair of bloody thongs I would've bloody asked! An' this cowboy suit an' ping-pong set You can shove right up yer arse! You've stuffed me bloody order up! It's enough t'make ya spew! An' it ain't just me that's snakey No, me sister's pissed of too...
<High voice> Hey Santa! (Hey Santa!) Where's me fuckin' pram? You promised me you'd send me one, don't you remember who I am? I'm the little girl That you made sit down on yer hand Never mind yer fuckin' ho-ho-hos, where's me fuckin' pram?! </High voice>
So next time I see you I'm gonna punch you in the guts! I'm gonna turn yer fuckin' reindeer loose An' kick Rudolph in the nuts! You just wait 'til next year When you come back to that store An' me an' my kid sister We come marchin' through door!
Yeah, we'll tell 'em, aye?
Hey mums an' dads, smell 'is breath An' check those bloodshot eyes! An' don't listen to 'im, boys 'n girls 'Cause he tells fuckin' lies! He's a piss-tank an' a pervert! He's not even very bright! 'Cause the ol' fuckin' wanker He forgot me fuckin' bike!
HEY SANTA! (Hey Santa!) Hey, where's me fuckin' bike? I've unwrapped all this other junk an' there's nothin' that I like! I wrote yer fuckin' letter Shit, I came to see you twice! You worn-out geriatric fart, you forgot me fuckin' bike!!
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