Reply #3: Best Santa story EVER

[proud2BlibKansan]

Once upon a time, about, hmmm, five years ago, there was this groovy dude and has name was Santa Claus, y'know? And he used to live over in the projects with his old lady, and they had a pretty good thing together because his old lady was really fine, and she could cook and all that stuff like that, y'know. Like, she made da best brownies in town, man! Oh, I could remember 'em now, man. I could eat ONE of 'em, man...

Chong: Wow, did you know these people, man?

Cheech: Oh, yeah, man. They used to live next door to me, y'know...until they got kicked out, man.

Chong: Wha? They got kicked out of the projects, man?

Cheech: Yeah, you what happened, man? They used ta live with all these midgets, y'know, and da midgets used ta make a lot noise, y'know, like pounding and hammering and pounding all night, man...

Chong: Typical freaks, huh?

Cheech: Oh, yeah, man, they were REALLY freaks, man. As a matter of fact, they all moved up north together, y'know.

Chong: Oh, they had to go get their head together, man?

Cheech: Yeah, get their head together. And they started a commune, y'know. It was called the...uh...Santa Claus and his Old Lady Commune...it was a real famous one up there, man. And they used to sit around and groove all the time, y'know.

Chong: Oh, yeah?

Cheech: Yeah, a really good time there, man.

Chong: That sounds heavy, man.

Cheech: Yeah, they eat da brownies, man, and they drink da tea, man...and what they did most of da time, though, was make a lotta goodies, y'know? And they had everything they needed...they only needed to come into town maybe once year or something like that...

Chong: To pick up the welfare check and the food stamps, right.

Cheech: Yeah, man. No, no, what they did, man, is that, once a year, when they made all the goodies, y'know, they used ta put 'em in a big chopping bag and, then, they used ta take da chopping bag and give 'em to all the boys and girls all da way around da world, man!

Chong: Hey, well, that's hip, man! That sounds real nice, man.

Cheech: Oh, yeah, they were really nice people man. And so much class, man... they had so much class, y'know. Like, give or take da way they used ta deliver da toys, y'know. It's, like, Santa Claus used ta have this really charp chort, man, y'know? It was lower to da ground, had twice- pipes, candy-apple red and button top. Ooh, clean!

Chong: Hey, that sounds like a hip snowmobile, man.

Cheech: No, no, it wasn't a snowmobile...it was a sled, y'know. One of those big sleds, y'know? And he used ta have it pulled by some reindeers, y'know, like, reindeers?

Chong: Some WHAT, man?

Cheech: Some reindeers, y'know. He used ta hook them onto da sled, and then he used ta stand up inside da sled and hold on to da reins, and then callout their names, like, On, Donner! On, Blitzen! On, Chewy! On, Tavo! C'mon, Becto! And then, the reindeers used ta take off into da sky and fly across da sky, man!

Chong: Wow, man! That's far out, man!

Cheech: Yeah! And then, when they flied across da sky, they used ta come down to place like, oh, Chicago, L.A., Nueva York and Pacoima and all those places, y'know, and then land on top of people's roofs, and then 'ol Santa Claus would make himself real small, y'know, like, a real small guy, and he'd come down da chimney and then he would give you all da stuff that he made, man.
And...dig this, man...he did it all in one night, man!

Chong: Hey, just a minute, man. Now, how'd he do that, man?

Cheech: Oh, well, man, he took da freeway. How else, man?