I've been kind of depressed lately, and I don't know what I can do.

[SmileyBoy]

I guess it all starts with seeing all these threads about teenage sex in the Lounge, and it makes me think that I'm REALLY FUCKING PATHETIC that I haven't had an intimate relationship with a female, and I'm almost 22 years old. In high school, girls wouldn't even give me the time of day, and in college it seems to be the same. I had a girlfriend once, but I was too afraid to take it to the next level, and that's probably why she broke up with me. I still can't believe I was THAT afraid to have an intimate relationship with a girl whom I obviously liked a LOT, and I knew she really liked me, and I was SO SHY that my fears overtook any common sense I could've had. I mean, it's like for some reason, I was afraid of potentially going all the way, when that's what really I wanted in the first place!!! It's been almost a year and a half since then, and it seems all contact I have with females seems to have been cut off.

Seeing all these articles about high school kids "hooking up" and having casual sex makes me more depressed, considering that those kids are my younger brother's age, that I'm a lot older than I previously realised, and I still haven't been able to have an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex after all these years in which I could have had the chance.

Of course I have guy friends, the ones I go out drinking with, my co-workers, the guys I hang out with at their place, etc. I have no problems making casual friendship/relationships with guys in general. I used to have problems with that when I was younger, tho. I don't know, maybe I'm just gay. I don't know if my ingrained FEAR of talking to girls is indicative of some underlying homosexuality. Probably not, probably I'm just REALLY intimidated by them. I haven't been able to talk to ANY of them since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend, and the lack of ANY relationship with a female has really gotten to me over the past year or so.

But it's not like my life is a complete disaster, or anything. I'm getting good grades, I have a kick-ass job (only for part of the year, but still), I have loving parents and I have friends who are really fun to be around. It just seems that there's an emptyness to my life right now, the lack of female companionship and/or intimate relationships.

My life is not worthless by any means, it just seems void of something very important right now.

I just wanted to say how I feel.