Reply #70: Here ya go:

[RevCheesehead]

:hug:

I've been there, BHN - I've been in the pits of despair (and for me, it happened when I was in seminary, of all places). A few good friends helped me realize that I needed to live in the pain, and embrace it, rather than try to shrug it off.

I spent hours listening to variations of the Requiem - Faure, Durufle, Rutter, Brahms... and crying many, many tears. I read the Psalms, and was amazed at how many of them were written in moments of despair and pain - but nearly every one ended with a word of hope.

I went through Easter - my first Easter at seminary, truly struggling with the question: "Did the resurrection of Christ really happen?"

I found healing and comfort from worship, from eucharist (communion), where I shared an eternal meal with those who had died, from music and song, and long periods of silence. I let the tears come. I was not afraid to ask the hard questions, or to express my rage to God.

If you get a chance, and when you're ready, read Henri Nouwen's "The Wounded Healer." In it, he tells of how he learned to embrace pain and suffering, and in it, be able to transform his own pain into offering healing for others. (The example above of taking the gift to the nursing home is an excellent example of this healing, transforming love.)

I'm here for you - feel free to PM me if you need to talk.

:hug: