Reply #19: I've put in a lot of time educating well-meaning straight people.

[Plaid Adder]

I have to do it a lot in my regular life, so I get tired of doing it online. I tried to do it all in one big burst in 1996 when I wrote this:

http://www.io.com/~wwwomen/queer/etiquette/intro.html

A Straight Person's Guide To Gay Etiquette

It's out of date and doesn't cover fine points such as this particualr topic but if you want a basic grounding in the indignities that piece sine is talking about, it's a starting point.

I have no reason to doubt that, but I very much doubt that most DUers would want to continue in something that causes insult or indignity to gays.

Well, for you, uly, I'm sure this is true, and that's why I took the time to respond. But I have learned from experience that there are plenty of other DUers who merely want to be told that it is A-OK to keep doing what they're doing. A lot of straight white people, especially if they identify as liberal or progressive, are really very blind about the ways in which they perpetuate some of this stuff, and if you point it out to them, they don't wanna hear it. I have run into all kinds of attitude about this, including, "You're a vulnerable minority and you're going to need the support of straight people like me, so why are you pissing me off by telling me that something I did bothered you?" It's pointless to argue with someone who can't tell how condescending and infuriating that is.

Hence, I avoid a lot of the threads that might appear to offer an opportunity for 'education.' I've been out for 15 years and I've done my time. I still vividly remember the day I went out to lunch with a fellow grad student who I had thought was a friend of mine, only to find out that this 'lunch' was essentially an hour-long interview in which she attempted to find out what made these gentle but misguided homosexuals tick so that she could incorporate that knowledge into her fundamentalist mindset. Outreach is important; but we get tired of being treated like native informants or zoo animals.

I come to the DU forums to blow off steam, relax, have a good laugh, and try to work out some of my ideas for my writing. Fighting the same @#$! battle about the same annoying @#$! borderline gay-bashing behavior is neither entertaining nor useful.

I conclude with an apposite quote from the etiquette guide referenced above:

"For <gay people, combating homophobia> is not simply engaging in a bracing intellectual debate. It is defending themselves and what they believe against the forces of ignorance, darkness and denial. This is not something even Batman wants to do on his day off."

C ya,

The Plaid Adder