A Declaration Of War On ''The War On Christmas'' Crowd

[The Donkey]

Considering that this is the time of year when we all wish a bit more openly for peace on Earth, it seems understandably silly that the more self-righteous among us have created a phony “war on Christmas” in order to promote their favorite respective cause, which is unilaterally themselves.

The saddest aspect of this nonexistent “war” is that it is an act of complete selfishness, at a time when we remind ourselves of the true value of selflessness. As such, I have decided to issue a declaration of war on the “war on Christmas” people. I don’t want to do it, but I think it’s about time that someone called their bluff.

Did you know that the vast majority of the traditions associated with Christmas have nothing to do with the birth of Jesus Christ? It’s true! Things like the yule log, giving gifts, a large family feast, and caroling from door to door began with the ancient Mesopotamians. They used these traditions to celebrate the beginning of each new year, and to help their god (named Marduk) defend them from unknown scary monsters. The celebrations lasted for twelve days (hence the “12 days of Christmas”).

Early civilizations in Europe also held celebrations at this time of year long before Christ was born. They used the occasion to mark the winter solstice. The Scandinavians referred to this festival-laden period as Yuletide – perhaps you’ve heard of it. They would prepare a special feast and eat around a fire fueled by Yule logs. They would also tie fruit to trees in celebration of the return of the sun – which is the origin of today’s Christmas trees.

The ancient Romans also celebrated this time of year, calling it Saturnalia – after their god Saturn. It also was a weeks-long party, beginning in the middle of December and ending as the new year began. They also decorated their houses (decking the halls), and brought trees inside (decorating them with candles).

Here’s a fun fact for all you strict evangelicals – the early Christians who lived amongst the Romans held Saturnalia in great disdain, as they felt it was wrong to hold festivities during the time of year of Jesus’ birth. They were particularly irritated by the celebration, merriment, and gift-giving of their Roman counterparts. To them, Jesus’ birthday was a solemn occasion that didn’t warrant such behavior.

Speaking of Jesus’ birthday, there is no accurate historical record as to the exact time of year when he was born. Some speculate that he was born as early as September, while others theorize that it could likely have been January. However, the early Christians had to compete for converts from other religions in order to grow their ranks. It just so happened that December 25th was a sacred holiday to both the Romans and the Persians, who were the main competition for conversions. It wasn’t until the year 350 A.D. that Julius I, a Roman Bishop, decreed that the Holiday of Christmas would be observed on the same day.

To read all this, you would think that I am anti-Christian. Nothing could be further from the truth. I celebrate Christmas just like 98% of everyone else in America. However, nothing irks me more at this time of year than watching pompous TV ideologues tell me that we are a nation founded in the Judeo-Christian tradition and that we have to comport to whatever their view of Christmas tradition should be. As the previous text has spelled out – they’re all patently full of crap.

The real meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with consumerism, feasts, trees, or caroling. Christmas is all about taking one day each year and reflecting about those to whom you are close. It’s the one time that we all seem to act just a little bit nicer to each other, and wonder how much better off we’d all be if everyone kept that attitude up more often.

At its core, this is the central theme of Jesus’ message. Even if you aren’t a Christian, it’s easy to embrace his overall lesson – be kind to one another, especially those in worse circumstances than you.

Thomas Jefferson thought so – and he was considered by his contemporaries to be the first atheist president. He didn’t consider himself to be a Christian at all – even though he believed in a higher power. The same was true of most of the founding fathers. However, Jefferson was so intrigued by the teachings of Jesus that he took the time to rewrite the entire New Testament, leaving out all of the supernatural references (virgin birth, walking on water, water into wine, resurrection, etc.). Known today as the “Jefferson Bible”, it takes away the messianic messages and focuses merely on the teachings of the man, who Jefferson thought of as one of the greatest moral philosophers of all time.

This is the fundamental failing of today’s “fundamentalist” Christians (and fundamentalists from other religions as well). They all choose to focus on the process and dogma of religion, all the while putting the central tenets of their respective faiths on the backburner. By doing this (and condemning those who are different), they lose any value that their faith may hold.

So I say to you Merry Christmas. Also, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, Happy Saturnalia, and Happy Festivus.

In other words (and in recognition of the fact that there are people in the world different than me), happy holidays to all of you.