Reply #150: For the StreetSheet May 2005

[EFerrari]

George W. Bush, the 2000 Education President who morphed into the 2003 War President, is spending millions of tax dollars to teach sex education in schools, or actually, he’s spending millions of dollars not to teach sex education or as our Fundy brothers call it, “abstinence”. Telling teenagers not to have sex will work as well as telling them not to do drugs. Just Say No was such a huge success, let’s do it AGAIN. They teach kids that condoms don’t work, that you can get AIDs from tears and sweat, and that abortions lead to suicide. Let’s review.

Condoms work 96% of the time and prevents STDs. But, we’re paying the Federal government to keep them away from TEENAGERS. They are now inventing a Rubik’s condom so the kids won’t be able to figure out how to use them. They want to scare them with AIDs, just like they scare us with Terror. I heard on the news recently that you can get AIDs from a mosquito. If you’re having sex with mosquitoes, AIDs isn’t your biggest problem. (Isn’t that a good reason to keep teaching evolution in schools, so these kids will learn who they’re supposed to mate with? No wonder these kids stay on the internet all day. They’re scared to go outside and die from a bug bite.)

They can't tell kids not to have sex. The boys all walk around with their pants down already, and l3 year old girls are dressing like hookers. Poofed up hair, tropical fish makeup, high-heeled shoes, ankle bracelets, half a shirt, and super low cut jeans that show almost everything. They’re all half naked before they even go anywhere. The style screams “Amber Alert”. They have tattoos on their butts and pierced belly buttons. And this is the generation George Bush wants to teach abstention? Well, being president is “hard work”.

Teenage kids are taking vows of chastity before marriage, but they aren’t counting oral or anal sex, so there’s an epidemic of that. The kids, of course, are so happy they’re not saying anything. Would you? Oprah had a show about lipstick parties where all the boys get oral sex from the girls wearing different shades of lipstsick. Where was this stuff when I was in high school?

I’m surprised kids have time for sex with all the time they spend playing video games. They never leave their room. And they say video games cause violence. If one of these boys was to go outside, and someone were to try to pick a fight with him, he wouldn’t know what to do. He’d just stand there with his controller, pushing buttons, saying “It’s not working!” A first date could only get worse. . . .

It’s not like kids aren’t exposed to sex daily with rap videos. I don’t understand rap, but I respect it, because it’s the music of the younger generation. Twenty years from now a married couple will be sitting on their front porch swing, and the wife will say, “Listen, honey, they’re playing our song!” ‘BACK THAT ASS UP! BACK THAT ASS UP!” “Oh, that’s so beautiful. They played that at our wedding…”


What IS it with these people, they just won’t stay out of our private lives. They’re supposed to be REPUBLICANS, for pete’s sake, the party of watchingdogging the Feds. These guys aren’t Republicans, they’re Replicants in drag. They want to make abortions illegal again – maybe because those rates have gone up under Bush. Like the bumper sticker says, U.S. OUT OF MY UTERUS. I thought women had choice in this country. Why don’t they take away their vote, too? Fertile women might make a decision the Administration doesn’t like and then OUR HEADS WOULD EXPLODE. Pharmacists are refusing to fill prescriptions for birth control pills because it’s against their religious beliefs. Hey, just do your job. WALMART, OUT OF MY MOUTH. When corporations can give birth, then we’ll take a show of hands.

You can’t tell people not to have sex. It’s the stuff of poetry, the survival of the species. It’s in our DNA. I saw it on the Discovery Channel. Male fetuses before they’re born have ten to fifteen pre-natal erections. And all these years you women have been saying, “I feel him kicking!”

They want to make this a Puritan country again. We still have anti-sex laws on the books. In 14 states you can’t have “sodomy”, which includes oral sex. What states? They should give us a color-coded map from Triple A, in case we’re making travel plans? “See this, honey? Georgia? The frowning face and the red line through it? We’re going around.,..”

I wonder if parents are teaching their kids anything about sex. My parents never said a word about it. They gave me a 1929 book called “Growing Up” with a little dot on a page that said “This is how big you were when you were conceived.” That really helped me a lot. I avoided all little dots -- well into adulthood. Okay, I had a dot issue.

Pushing abstinence on our Amber Alert kids makes about as much sense as saying, “Mission Accomplished” off the coast of San Diego while Baghdad burns. (That anniversary is coming up on May 2, but who’s counting?) Neither program has a snowball’s chance of working: Mission not accomplished. Welcome to The War on Sex. Basically, we’re paying the government to screw up American sexuality for the foreseeable future.

So, next time you go to your pharmacist, look ‘em right in the face and ask, “Why do you hate America?”

www.missionnotaccomplished.us
www.dougzilla.com

Doug & Beth Ferrari