Reply #42: I adopted two daughters...

[davekriss]

Siblings. One, 13, is dx rapid-cycling, early-onset bipolar disorder (bp) type I/ADHD. The other, 11, is autistic. After making inquiries we discovered the birth father's family has bp, adhd, affective schizoid disorder, and other assorted maladies almost to a person and up and down the generations. Obviously something genetic going on there.

My bp daughter knows she's adopted (I got her when she was 3) but she is not aware of the extent of illness in her genetic heritage. However, she does understand the full burden of her disease (she's been hospitalized over 20 months since 2001) and has heard that the predisposition for it can be inherited. At its worst, the disease and its toll can be very bad. Suicide is a very real risk.

She asked me the other day, "Dad, should I have children? Maybe I should adopt? Like you?"

My answer (not exactly verbatim): "There'll be nothing more precious than that moment when your newborn baby rests on your chest and opens its eyes to see you, its mom, and just then the glory of the universe rushes forward to greet you in exhuberant joy. All is good in the world!, the baby will think, then that little mouth lets out a big yawn and rests."

"You were that baby once, and you yawned sated and happy. Is it worth it? Only you can answer. But I am overwhelmingly glad that your birth parents made the decision they did. Because here you are. And like that mom I feel joy and gratitude and happiness. Everyday. To me, it is worth it. But only you can decide for yourself."

Her answer: A big smile, glad eyes, and an "O dad!".

So, eyepaddle, you are faced with the same question. And I am assuming the odds are that your offspring won't be beyond "legally blind" (do the near blind, or the 20/70, still have joy in their lives?). But only you can decide for yourself.

(An aside, my autistic daughter is doing very well, talks up a storm now even if oddly modulated and about odd things. But so happy, so jubilant, so often! And a wonderful, angelic voice when she sings! A genuine gift to the rest of us!!)