Reply #110: I came out of self-imposed exile from DU to post on this issue

[Eloriel]

There are some things haven't been covered, and I have a response to some of the wrong-headed notions I've seen expressed.

First, I commend Skinner on re-thinking this issue re use of the word "bitch" at DU. I see that as a step in the right direction of addressing the sexism that is rampant at DU, so I'm very positively impressed. And whichever staunch and courageous women here at DU made this ENOUGH of an issue that got his attention, good on you. I gave up.

One needs only read through some of the posts that have been made in these threads to see some (just some) of the sexism -- from trivialization, dismissiveness and ridicule of the concerns and explanations about why it's sexist and ought not be used in a "progressive" forum to downright hostility -- all of which are tools which have been traditionally and historically used to fend off women's concerns about anything and everything.

Now, this isn't a First Amendment or "free speech" issue. Your Constitutional rights are guaranteed against government censorship, not private property (e.g., internet disussion forum) censorship. When some of you are calling for "free speech" above all is really a demand for license -- the questionable "right" to say whatever you want, wherever and whenever you want to. That doesn't help build community, it doesn't model civilility, and it's not the way our society works.

I too am shocked this even has to be discussed. Like some of the other feminist women here, I've always been deeply and quite personally offended by its occurrence here, and the tolerance for it. Just as Slinkerwink points out, it's equivalent to various racial and other slurs and other hate speech. I'm not black, so I can't know if African Americans feel exactly about "nigger" as I feel about "bitch" and other sexist slurs, but roughly equivalent should frankly be more than enough. AND we shouldn't have to prioritize categories of offensivenesse when we're talking about the systemic practices that keep whole classes of people oppressed.

Here's one of the things about the word bitch that hasn't been discussed (at least not in the threads I've read -- and I haven't read all of them). The connotations (implied meanings) of the word refer to denigrating stereotypes about women that have been used to keep us "less than" and unequal for millennia. A "bitch" is a pushy, complaining, nagging woman; a woman who doesn't know her proper place, or how to "act like a lady."

The fear of being called a bitch has keep women from speaking up for themselves, kept them from expressing their own inner strength, kept them from rocking the boat, kept them from doing better than the boys on tests or better than the men on the shop floor or in the office suites. It's kept their mouths shut, their comportment "ladylike" and meek instead of empowered. On and on.

I despise Ann Coulter and Condi Rice as much as any of the rest of you, but when you call them "bitch," you send the message to all women that they must stay in line "or else" and the message to all men that it's okay to denigrate women because they are women. And you send a message to the women of DU that this place isn't really home for us.

Some have said that language can't hurt anything. It's only words. It's the "idea" behind the "phonetics" that counts, yadayada. Here's why language matters. Language reflects how we as a culture see things and even think, and affects how individuals within that culture sees things and think. There are no two ways about it -- language is a self-enforcing mechanism for culture itself. When the culture changes, language changes; when language changes, the culture changes.

I don't remember which language it is, but I read some time ago about that members of that culture aren't particularly self-reflective and especially don't think about the past because the language doesn't really have a past tense. There's no way to say something like "Ten years ago we did such and such." That's one example of how language affects the way we think: no past tense = no past to talk about or think about.

Here's another example, and it pains me to even have to mention this because it reminds me that so many younger progressives have a dearth of knowledge and understanding about what went on just in my lifetime -- what conditions were for women BEFORE "the women's movement" and what we went through to get where we are today -- all of which frightens me about how easily those gains can be lost.

Anyway, in the bad old days one of the things we women fought for was more inclusive language. If someone spoke about "the Chairman of the committee," the visual image everyone (yes, everyone) got was of a chairMAN. If they used the term "chairperson" or (eventually) the less awkward term "chair," the image was more gender-neutral. It introduced the subtle notion that a woman could be chairing the committee.

Now that may seem unimportant, perhaps even quaint. But in the bad old days, it was a BFD. Over time, changing the way people thought about who could chair committees or meetings helped open up the opportunities for women to do just that. And that's just one example.

Similarly, the use of the word "mankind" in the history and sociology and other books. It implied that the men of our species were the only ones who ever DID anything. "Humankind," however, implied that men AND women were involved in whatever it was that book or passage was discussing. BIG difference, especially since women had been written OUT of history books (or more accurately, never put in them to start with). Whatever women did just wasn't "important," or noteworthy, or even noticed at all.

Language matters enormously. As long as women, a still very oppressed class, can be treated in verbally abusive ways (as a group, as individuals in that group, or as members of the classoutside the group -- i.e., an Ann Coulter or a Condi Rice) in "polite" society and progressive discussion forums by being called "bitch," our job of achieving full equality is made all the harder.

There is no GOOD or acceptable reason for using gender-specific insults to describe any woman.

I myself am also going to stop using the word "bitch" as a verb -- as in to bitch and moan. It STILL stereotypes women, no matter who it's applied to because it refers to someone who is bitching "like a complaining woman."

As for "bitchslap," I still don't know what the real meaning of the term is -- several different and contradictory definitions have been posted. It's not a term I would have ever used, and I always cringe when I see it. It still contains the word "bitch" and that still stereotypes and degrades women.

Unlike what some here have suggested, it doesn't really matter whether the person using these terms are specifically thinking of "complaining women" when they use "bitch" or any of its derivatives or not, that's what the word essentially refers to, unless it's specifically referring to a female dog.

On a related note, what's all this anti-PC crap? Do you all realize that the backlash against "political correctness" was started back in the late 70s (if not earlier) by the rightwing as a way to get to hang onto their racism and sexism? I know -- I was there. WERE YOU? Why is an essentially rightwing argument being made here? Political correctness never meant ANYthing other than being careful not to say sexist and racist things in public -- making verbal racism and sexism (and other decidedly non-progressive speech) socially unacceptable. What the hell is wrong with that?