Reply #127: ••• An urgent message from Stella, the right winger from Texas. . . •••

[breadandwine]

Stella is a mysterious right winger from Texas. I've never met her. But sometimes she sends me stuff. Here's what she wrote this time:



That dang nabit blasted librul Olbermunt! Wouldntcha KNOW it! Once AGAIN he's gettin uppity. At first Comcast bought MSNBC ta put the libral winey-hineys in they PLACE. I was just laughin ma HEAD off watchin them put a Tom Brokaw ally over Olbermunt. Ha! That'll learn the little tyke. Cuz Brokaw's always been a friend o' the Bushes. All youz librul winey-hiney Dermacrits a-be callin Brokaw marble mouth. Well lemme TELL ya. He got mor CURMUDGEON power than all o' youz Dermacrits put together and you KNOW it!

Then Olbermunt up an left. Welp, ahz figered that he was through, washed up, sulkin off ta his cave where he BELONGS.

Just like Puff the Magic Dragon.

You KNOW Puff was a child-corruptin commie...........

But no. Wouldn't that be just like a LIBRUL ta pull a fast one an get a NEW show wut with that tree-huggin lyin smash-mouth Al Gore and his oil company-hatin pea brain.

Why jus the other the day the LIBRUL who cleans ma toilet asked me fer a raise! Ah told her I was BY her house just last month an ah smelled CHICKEN. Stick ta potaters or you'll get a pay CUT!

Now OLBERMUNT'S got a pay cut hisself but he's gettin an equity stake in the station. Are you kiddin? Al Gore got no RIGHT ta do that! That's SOCIALISM! Before you get a piece o' the action like that, you need ta EARN it the AMERICAN way! By havin a rich daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fact one: There ain't no such thing as glerbal warmin.

Fact two: If glerbal warmin was so bad 4yuz, how come the dyna-sowars enjoyed it so much, lullin around on all them lilly pads an all? Hm?

And fact three, buster: Dyna-sowars don't exist and they wuz created by Jeebus ANYWAY!

But that no good whiney hiney smash mouth flutter puss fuster brain motor-mouth librul Olbermunt. Evabuddy KNOW you readin the waffle iron, buddy. Howzee gonna get anywhere with some STINKIN innernet station or supm? We gonna ban the innernet, buster. Net neutrality down the drain.

Say yer ridin down the road in some STINKIN hybrid vee-HICKLE. Well o' COURSE it pooped out on yuz. Yer in the middle o' the desert and all they is ta eat is armadillo. Well yer too STUPID ta eat an armadillo. THAT'S cause ya shoulda driven a gas guzzler that got more VAROOM-VAROOM! Wouldn't that be just like a librul ta role out his solar panel to recharge his lectric vee-HICKLE in the middle o' the desert. All in order ta cover UP the fact that you libruls ain't got enough gas in yer engine and you KNOW it.

Hey. If the polar ice cap melts, all we gotta do is drill more oil, get more electricity and use it ta run some giant figerators at the North Pole. Ahm talkin BIG mommas.

Ya know wut yer problem is? Youz libruls are too STUPID ta fill up yer gas tank.

An ah just wanna crack UP when ah see Olbermunt gettin left in the DUST by BillO and Beck while he tries ta get some trackshun sayin Oh please, oh please! Ma innernet toy broke! BillO gonna stomp all OVER you an go cock-a-doodle-doo! Say goodbye ta yer ratings, buddy.

Ah HURD that Olbermunt just started supm called FOK News Channel. As in "Friends Of Keith." A LIKELY story. That FOK thing is a vulgar INSULT ta FOX. We KNOW wut you MEAN.

AND it's plagiarism!

Dang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Drill baby drill...........