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Cheney's Heart Attack or Politics as Usual.
After a massive coronary, Cheney is met at the pearly gate. "Welcome," says St. Pete. "We seldom see such a high political official. My order from on high is have you spend a day in Hell and one in Heaven, then you choose where to go."
With that, suddenly Dick is in Hell on a green golf course surrounded by all his friends and other politicians in evening attire. Everyone is very happy, they greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good old times getting rich at the expense of the middle class. Cheney's first White House boss, Nixon, hosts a $10,000-a-plate dinner in his honor. They dine on lobsters and lots of caviar, smoke cigars, and toast him with the finest champagne. Even the Devil is very friendly, telling great jokes, and complimenting Cheney's earthly works, especially his warfare as Secretary of Defense.
After 24 hours, suddenly Dick is in Heaven with heads of state, floating from cloud to cloud, playing the harp, praying occasionally, singing hymns, and praising the Lord. Some heads of state criticize his bellicose life and American arrogance, and there's no humor. A day later St. Pete says, "Now, choose your eternity."
Cheney answers, "I'll go to Hell. All my friends are there, even a new one. They have a better clubhouse, and I just love golf. And the food and jokes are better."
Suddenly Dick is in a very hot, barren desert covered with waste, garbage, bombed buildings, and the stench of corpses and burnt oil. His friends are all dressed in khaki military garb, packing M16s and M60s, and bleeding from wounds and missing limbs. The Devil hands him an automatic weapon, grenades, K-rations, a 60 lb. pack, and other gear, and says, "Welcome to Iraq. You'll be here for an eternity."
"I d.. d.. don't understand," stammers Dick. "Yesterday there was a.. a golf course and club house, and.. and we ate lobster and caviar, and danced, and.. and.. and you told great jokes. We even became friends. Now, I'M in the.. the GOD DAMN war?? Go fff.. fu.. FUCK yourself"
The Devil smiles and answers, "F**K YOU. Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"
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