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Edited on Wed Dec-07-05 12:22 AM by BlueIris
This could be kind a long post; I'll try to keep it concise. Basically, I think your problem is two-fold--intellectual and spiritual, so I wanted to hand out some suggestions that have worked for me on both fronts (I mean, metaphysical guides are great, but they only got me so far).
First of all, let me post that I understand the pain. Regenerating the joy you may have largely lost in creating writing after the enjoyment of the creative process (getting the "a-ha moment" and developing it) has been sucked out of you via the rigors of a labor-intensive degree program can be a long-term project. On the bright side, the drought has only lasted five years. And hey, at least you're past what I think is the "first stage"--the empty time after the degree is done and you may feel like you have nothing. left. to say. I mean, you seem like you're at the stage where the notion of having some of those long-lost a-ha moments is appealing to you. Some people lose the urge and never get it back--just from the educational experience alone, never mind the personal upheavals you mention. (I understand the pain of that, too, it's hell on a writer's identity--how and for what do your write now that your life looks and feels so radically different than it did the last time you were able to capture flashes of inspiration and want to make writing out of them?)
Second, just let me say that without knowing anything about what your process was like before your current situation developed or what your genre is, I'll have to be kind of vague, but here are two methods of "working" that really helped me. They might be controversial to some, (and definitely wouldn't have flown in any academic environment I was in) but I've found success with them. Essentially: don't work. 1) Don't try to write until you've got something you're really, really interesting in writing about. No, wait, hear me out. In my opinion, the "write everyday, even if it is just nonsense and you will subsequently tap into a means of creating great literature" maxim is one of the biggest lies told in academia and publishing. Maybe that can help you create if you have at least a rudimentary piece of inspiration to work with, but in my experience, after burn-out had set in, ideas worth developing only started returning after I stopped believing they would magically come solely from the act of writing or even imagining myself writing. Nothing against those for whom creative visualization is an effective means of drawing inspiration to you. If that's your thing, run with it. That's never worked for me. 2) After you've found your next ah-ha moment, don't try to write it out in any serious fashion until you're truly passionate about it. Have the great inspiration, jot down the basic concept, let it fester in your brain for a little while and then write only a bit at a time until you've stored up enough energy and interest in the hard work of creating writing again. 3) Try to let go of any remaining self-defeating, outrageously critical opinions of your ideas or your writing that you may still be carrying around from grad school. For me, it was very, very difficult to open up enough to receive inspiration again, let alone create art from it, in the years after completing my degree. I was always, always imagining a pile of harsh, deconstructive critics watching me as I tried to write--about nothing, since I'd even stopped being able to come up with an idea the imaginary critics didn't think was pointless for me tor pursue. It also took me years to figure out that the ever-present self-criticism was stifling the formerly-frequent creative urge, not my ability to communicate it. Education and formal training are important. They enrich your writing and critical thinking skills, as well as your ability to appreciate great art, and God knows where I'd be as an artist without having had access to those resources. But as you may know, formal training has a tendency to make even terrific artists feel like shit about themselves and their talents--especially if you worked with famous, amazing writers like I did. I didn't start getting ideas again until I had begun believing that I was a good writer, or that I had the potential to be. Make sure you love yourself, is all I'm saying. There are some other tricks I've used to start getting inspiration to return, you can PM me if they sound interesting to you.
About the spiritual side of your dry-spell, here are a few things I started doing which have really helped me "unblock" and draw ideas to me. 1) Regular smudging of my home and work area. I take a nice piece of sage, open a window, burn it for a while, close the window. It's a good, all-purpose barrier against negative energy for me. 2) Hook yourself up with a few stones known to help people cleanse themselves of negativity. I like black kyanite. You might have to order some, but it's worth the investment. This stone has powerful healing properties, never needs to be cleansed or recharged and has helped lots of people I know. Stones like India moss agate, picasso jasper, and amethyst have been excellent "unlocking" tools for me. 3) I have had superb luck with meditation candles designed to activate the minds of imaginative individuals. I'd list my favorite brands but you should probably just shop around if you're interested in trying that. And since a Tarot reading triggered your last post about this, go find a reader in your area with whom you can make regular appointments. My reader and I have had some ups and downs, but overall, being able to get some "inside" guidance about how my "new" life as a writer is evolving has truly kept that evolution moving along.
I have a few more suggestions, but I see this post is quite lengthy! Best of luck, really. For an artist, there is nothing harder than feeling disconnected from your craft.
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