Last night, during an intense session of Rock Band on PlayStation I experienced one of the most annoying sensations a human can experience.
I got a contact lense stuck behind my eye.
It could have been prevented, maybe even predicted, but Rock Band is an addictive game. So instead of setting down the virtual guitar down, heading to the restroom and taking the lenses out, I chose to stare at the screen and let them dry out in my eyes.
All of a sudden, half way through the fourth song I squinted to see a note on the screen and the lense stuck to the back of my left eyelid and got stuck in the back of my eye.
Pretty gross.
By the way, from here on out I think we need a name for this contact lense that got me...let's see...why don't we call her Hillary? Ok, Hillary it is.
Now, back to the story: if you have ever experienced a contact lense getting stuck in behind your eye, you understand the panic that instantly descended upon me at that moment. In that panicked state I believed Hillary was unbeatable.
Those thoughts were quickly validated when my roommate, in a miserable attempt at making me feel better about the situation shared with me what he just learned on line; some people have had contact lenses stuck in their eyes for as long as three weeks. Wait, make that five years!
I could handle three weeks, but five years? That would be a win for Hillary and it was beginning to look like everyone thought Hillary would win.
As that initial burning sensation wore off, however, I began to come to my senses. An early success in locating the contact gave me the confidence that eventually I could force Hillary to drop out.
That early confidence was quickly shaken, however when Hillary landed a surprise victory.
Forgetting that I just ate some spicy buffalo wings, my fingers still had traces of hot buffalo sauce on them and therefore burned like crazy when I made my first effort to extract Hillary from my eye.
The burning sensation caused some tears to form in my eyes and those tears are what kept Hillary in place.
She beat me with those tears.
It's a shame too because without them I would have been able to declare victory over her early on, and I wouldn't even have to tell you this story.
As the tears were wiped away and the burning sensation morphed into a constant, nagging annoyance I realized that this was going to be a long fight. I would have to be prepared for a war, not just a couple of battles.
Hillary was in deep, but her position kept changing. She would move from left to right underneath my eyelid, but she wouldn't move in the one direction that mattered, out.
I tried every trick in the book, but every time I thought she was on the verge of dropping out of my eye, she managed to unexpectedly slide back in.
While the war raged on I learned how to push Hillary almost all the way out, but she was so determined to stay in there that I couldn't seal the deal. At one point I had a string of successes against Hillary that brought her all the way to the brink. I was actually able to touch her with one of my recently cleaned, non buffalo sauce covered fingers.
Victory was so close I could almost taste it, but a tiny slip of my finger caused not only a sharp pain, but a change in my attitude. I got frustrated and I lashed out at her. I quickly realized that I had to get a hold of myself though. Whenever I attacked Hillary too aggressively I only ended up hurting myself.
So it was time to get back to what worked in the beginning. It might not be the quickest way to put an end to all of this nonsense, but in attacking Hillary too hard I run the risk of causing permanent damage to my eye.
Instead, the best bet is to simply maintain that positive attitude and go about the business of piling up victories one at a time. With this approach Hillary is more likely to finally drop out even sooner than some might have originally expected.
Like maybe within the next three weeks or so...you know, after Pennsylvania.
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http://www.eyesonobama.com/blog/content/id_13559/title_Hillary-is-Like-the-Annoying-Contact-Lense-Stuck-in-my-Eye/